Saturday, June 8, 2013

Free fall.

Lately I have no time.
This usually results in me frantically running around my house with uncombed hair, shoving laundry into the machine with a crazed look in my eye.
I've been thinking about this a lot lately, because writing to me is so important.  Documenting things through photography is so important.  These are the things I find important enough to make time for...which I can't seem to find anywhere.
I feel a little jaded and scared.  I'm afraid that it is lack of motivation sneaking up on me, or simply a loss of interest.  But I don't think that's it.

I'll let you in on a little secret that I just thought of the other day...

I HAVE THREE KIDS.

AND THEY ALL MOVE NOW.

AND NONE OF THEM HATE ME ENOUGH TO LOCK THEMSELVES IN THEIR ROOM YET.

I know, I was genuinely shocked as well. I've been going around telling everyone how the transition from two to three was so easy....which it WAS.

In fact, it was so easy that I hardly noticed I was missing doing some things that I love more than most things. But now I'm starting to notice, and it's making me a bit anxious. To be fair, we also have a transition to go through, and jobs to find, and a life to reconstruct... I feel like our family is free falling.

A few weeks ago I heard that someone in the U.S. wrote, or said, or thought that "Three Kids is the Hardest Number".  I've decided to believe them.  Mostly because I'm allowed to, and because it makes my friend Audra think I'm a super hero.

But to be honest, I think all numbers are hard.  I think every transition is difficult.  I think that sometimes NOT having kids doesn't matter - things are STILL SO HARD.

Life is just difficult right now.  We're trying to figure out how to be ourselves, but be parents, and not let anyone die of starvation.  We're trying to figure out how to transition without losing one of our children, or our minds. We're trying to figure out what kind of people we want to be, and where. 

But the important thing to remind myself is that it doesn't mean we're failing at anything.  In fact, it might even mean we're thriving, and doing something right, and that what feels like a "free fall", is actually a swan-dive into a lake of strawberry jello.

1 comments:

Sara Ege said... Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

Three was hard for us. Someone told me it was like moving from Man to Man defense to Zone. I just let myself know that I'm the only Mom they have... so I'm what they know... and so what if I'm nuts? They love me! =)