Wednesday, June 26, 2013

The magic people.

Two noteworthy bits of magic happened this week:
On Monday, I unexpectedly got this in the mail...
A beautiful necklace made by a beautiful friend using a rock from the sea.  My sea. She somehow knew that I needed to feel the weight of this experience against my skin, to remember that it wasn't just a dream or a distant memory - that it is something I can carry with me - a part of me forever. 

And Tuesday I woke to this email from a friend...

The time has finally come. The packing. The goodbyes. The excitement. The "last time I'll do this". The anxiety. The packing. The crying. The questioning. The packing. An emotional roller coaster that no one can quite understand til it happens to them. You are leaving a legacy. And will be sorely missed. And leave a big hole in the hearts on the hill. But what an amazing thing you've done and what a great two years it's been. You will never ever regret this time, so be happy that it happened and be excited for the adventure that lies ahead! I know...easier said than done. It's actually really hard to be excited about the future sometimes. But it's gonna be great because you're great and your family is great and you do great things together. And you're smart and funny and a really good baker. So things must be great wherever you are. Take deep breaths (we're teaching Cecilia this technique too, it actually really works), smile, cry, take pictures (yes, more), go for your walks, and go for tea and scones. And eat them without guilt (I know you have no problem with this as an amateur foodie). And cross that big ocean with your head held high!!! Ok this is incredibly cheesy, but I mean every word. Just thought you might need a little encouragement right about now, though you may be in denial too (which is totally fine). See you on the flip side homie.
Love, kathleen 

So I'm going to go and be happy that it happened, and excited for what lies ahead.

I'm signing off now for a little while, at least until we get home.  Our plane leaves on Friday afternoon with all of us on board (hopefully - as long as we don't forget how to count to five).  I'm allowing myself to take a small break for a few days, maybe even a full week and then some.

My heart is breaking my friends.  My heart is breaking and bursting at the same time, and I have no idea how I'm supposed to go through all of these goodbyes and hellos with grace and authenticity.  I think I'm doing pretty well so far since I've only ugly cried 25 times this morning.  That's graceful, right?

So I'm allowing myself to do this privately, even though I want to remember these days, these moments for as long as I live.  Even though I want to have an open and authentic account for my children to read someday.  And even though I don't consider myself a private person; for now a mental photograph will have to do.

Don't worry about me though, I have magic people in my life.


karen said... Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

I relate to so much of this, because I have been exactly there, and then back again. Found you via Cup of Jo and so thankful to see my Irish experience (all the joys and conundrums) mirrored in someone else's story. We've just returned to Dublin this year, after a 2 1/2 year hiatus, following a 2 year excursion that left me heartbroken just the same. Anyway... just wanted to say thank you. And hello. And you write beautifully. And good luck.