Day 45: A Day for Love

It's no secret I love Valentine's Day.  I love it even more now that I have kids.  I love the colors, the message of love, the little tiny valentines.

I'm starting to realize through writing on this blog that I generally just love holidays - any excuse to celebrate.

Today I am thankful for celebrations.

I love the happiness and togetherness celebrations evoke - the warmth of belonging to something fun and celebratory.
Tonight I had a very romantic Valentine's Day dinner planned with my four valentines - complete with heart shaped tortilla pizzas, red sparkly juice (wine for me - don't kid yourself), candlelight, and  the soundtrack from Frozen being played in the background the whole time.  Of course, nothing went perfectly.  The cookies we made earlier tasted like hollow cardboard and the scavenger hunt had multiple clues that had gone missing in the 2 hours since I had hidden them.  Miles found the presents long before he was supposed to, and during our candlelight dinner all anyone wanted to do was turn the lights on the whole time. I went to upload the pictures I had taken of all of the festivities only to discover I had never put a memory card into my camera.  And because I just wanted it to be over so we could congregate in front of the t.v. with popcorn and a movie, we didn't play a single game I had slaved over.

Still worth it.  Still fun.  Still learning.

Happy Love Day friends.

Day 44: Long Distance

I'm convinced my life is much better and less lonely than it would have been had I been this person, this age, many years ago.

I think it is because the people I love from far away are so accessible, which wasn't the case when I first got married and moved away from everyone I loved over 11 years ago.

That winter was snowy and cold as well.  I was jobless and lonely.  What I would've given for a Skype conversation with my best friend or my Mom or even some person I barely knew, but looked somewhat familiar because they were also a Buckeye at heart.

I love Skype and Facebook and Texting.  Today I was able to have have "conversations" with my Brother in North Carolina, my Mom in Ohio, an Aunt in Ohio, a another friend in Northern Ireland.  I can send out a message and instantly have answers and updates from the people I love on the other side of the globe. 

Today I am thankful for technology.

I, like everyone else, have a love/hate relationship with it.  But for today I'm going to focus on the love part - the part that makes my life so fantastic at times. 

Day 43: A Crowd

Last night was a restless night in our home.  Oliver woke up multiple times during the night, which is so unlike him.  In fact, there were points throughout the night that everyone woke.  How might I know this?

In the early hours of the morning I woke up absolutely smothered between two little boys in flannel pajamas and toasty warm feet. My back was sore, and I couldn't roll over off my side, but I had only positively warm thoughts of my crowded bed - a little strange since I find the empty spacious bed to be SACRED.

Today I am thankful for a crowded bed.

I complain about my kids driving me crazy all of the time.  When we first became parents I was terrified of co-sleeping and what it would progress into.  Before I had kids I had firm boundaries and limitation.  Before I had kids I knew an awful lot about what my life was going to look like after I had kids.

The "awful lot" I knew was all wrong.

It turns out letting your kids climb into bed with you is delicious, and letting them watch a little television during the week is divine.  Toys don't stay in the toy box, not even after you put them in there five times that day - not even after they put them in there five times a day.  "Cute" tennis shoes aren't easy for them to put on themselves, and sweatpants really are the most comfortable thing to wear on cold winter days. Combing their hair before shoving on a stocking cap is overrated, and there are times you won't notice the Nutella smeared across their face until they turn around to wave at you on their way in to school.  I'm not above bribery and negotiation is my middle name.  Kleenex is for wussies and pajamas don't have to match.  Socks don't have to match.  Entire outfits don't have to match.

So I didn't really know much about being a parent, except I did get one thing right....

I knew I would really love it.

And this morning lying in a crowded bed I remembered why.

Day 42: Library

Since we've moved home I tend to spend a lot of time thinking of ways to make this little town we live in better.  I find myself thinking that there is so much untapped potential in so many places that it practically keeps me up at night. 

It's a sickness to care this much about what could be.

So I thought I would focus on what it has done right.

Today I am thankful for our public library.

I am not lying when I say I go there practically every day.  The librarians know me by name, and my kids seem to think they own the place.  It is an amazing source for books (who woulda thought?). I've never had a book I couldn't either find there, or have delivered there for no cost.  They have a huge selection of DVDs to rent, including new releases, (for free). They have this amazing story time for preschool kids that includes the making of a cute little craft.  It's a warm place for Miles and I to hide out and read books after we've dropped Liam off and are waiting to go back to school in the afternoon.  There are classes galore that all sound interesting and maybe someday I'll actually get to engage in.  AND they have coffee.  Seriously - it's like Starbucks meets Barnes and Noble meets my grandma's living room.

It is absolutely my favorite thing about living where I live right now.  I love the ladies that work there, and can't think of any time the library has let me down.  (They even have the cleanest sidewalks in town - which is a HUGE deal for me this winter.)

This is ending up sounding like a commercial for our public library, but I promise they aren't paying me anything for this.  (They just promised me free movies and books - oh wait, you mean they do that for everyone?! snap.)  (And who would seriously pay to advertise on here anyway?)

Day 41: Ordinary

Tonight on my way home from work I was trying to think of what I would write about on here for my Year of Gratitude.

I really had some trouble.

In the words of my little son Liam at bedtime prayers every night, "I just don't know what I'm thankful for."
Today wasn't a rotten day, and nothing bad happened.  It was just a busy day that equaled a lot of me running around and not a lot of me being present and in the moment.  It felt sort of like a day from my former life, but with less brow furrowing and more it will get done when it gets done.

So I wasn't feeling particularly reflective or introspective tonight on my 20 minute drive home and mad dash through Aldi's.

But maybe that's okay.

Today I am thankful for a productive and ordinary day.

Sometimes the quietness of ordinary is lovely.

And often we take the ordinary days - the days where not much happens besides living - for granted.

Day 40: The Nap

When I was in college I had to train myself to nap.  I wasn't the type of high schooler to fall asleep on the couch in my parents' living room, or to even sleep in much on the weekends.  I don't know how old I was when I gave up naps, but based on information I've been given about my childhood, I would guess that it quite early. Even in my early years of college I wasn't one to nap.  I could stay up until the wee hours of the morning, get up for class the next day, and still opt out of a nap. 

Naps were so rare, that I still remember the moments I finally allowed myself to give in to the idea of an afternoon nap.  It was just the most outstanding feeling I had ever had.  It was fall in Chicago and I was doing my student teaching.  It was a rare warm Sunday afternoon and I had packed up my books and some coffee into my backpack and headed out to a neighborhood park that jutted out onto Lake Michigan.  I remember throwing a blanket on the ground, lying on my stomach and rather than pulling out my textbooks and lesson plans, I closed my eyes and allowed myself to drift off.  It was completely unplanned, but something that was so magical that I still think about today.

For years after that naps were still something I opted out of.  I often felt worse after I woke up from them, and I had trouble just falling asleep out in the open. My husband would fall asleep everywhere and I would eye him with jealous on week nights at 6:30 while he dozed on the couch as though he had absolutely no obligations.


Having kids changed everything.

I am just seriously tired all of the time.  Naps are amazing ways for me to remember that I can be alive again after a particularly hard day. 
And the weekend afternoon nap - SHUT. UP.
 I've started climbing up into my son's top bunk to sleep during their quiet time, and kicking him out into my bedroom for the allotted two hours I make them stay in bed.  The beauty of this is that when they get up and play earlier than I'm ready to, they totally forget I'm even in the house and go about their business without waking me up to ask if I remember what Mater said yesterday in the book we read on our way to the shop at 7:34 in the morning when we were buying milk. Or if I can get them food.

Today I am thankful for a good solid nap.

To feel revived and refreshed when you still have half a day in front of you is something pretty spectacular. 

Day 39: These two

Tonight I went out on a birthday date with two very dear friends from my days of teaching high school art.
When I say "very dear" I don't just use it like these are people I enjoy having wine and food with.  I mean more like, these are the people who helped me breath and survive AND the people I enjoy having wine and food with.
Where do I even begin?

How about with "yes".  They are the yes people in my life.  Not just yes, but HELL YESSSSSSSSS people.  When I started my MFA, they were my biggest cheerleaders.  In fact, they were such big fans that one decided to live with me in San Francisco for an entire summer while I lugged around a giant large format camera and complained about how much everything cost. Six years ago when I opened an art gallery and wine bar one said "Not without me you don't" and the other said "I'll be there every Friday even if I'm the only one."  When I brought home my first baby they cheered.  When I was pregnant with my second they guessed before I could muster up the courage to tell them.  When I moved away they cried and celebrated for me.  While I was gone one was my most loyal correspondent while the other struggled through things I couldn't help her with from far away.  When I came home we all picked up where we left off, but with a little more wear and tear in our lives.

We've survived through job changes, divorce, separation, babies, puppies, cancer, Las Vegas, brokenness, wholeness, poorness, and richness.

Today I am thankful for THEM.

My life is different because of them.  My life is fuller because of them.  My life is more adventurous because they're in it cheering me on and telling me yes.