Today I turn 31...

and I feel the inevitable need to reflect on what I've done with my life now that I'm starting my 4th decade.... Today I spent the day locked in my house, taking care of a sick little Liam, doing five loads of puke-infused laundry while trying to figure out how I'm going to stock my empty fridge with groceries before this giant snowstorm hits (which is due to arrive an hour ago).  Oh my, how my life has changed evolved.

Things I want to remember RIGHT NOW....(PART II)

Miles edition (2 years, 8 months old)

You have got some mad moves little boy...like I'm afraid that someday your dancing skills are going to surpass ours....I'm maybe more afraid that they already have.

You can make your brother laugh at the drop of a hat.

You can make your brother cry at the drop of a hat.

People would describe you as "fast" when give one word.  You keep people on their toes.

You love books.  You could sit in bed an look at them for hours before you fall asleep.  And sometimes you do.

You can't hear music and NOT dance - even little jingles on the radio set you off.

You love to play in the snow.

Jumping on your bed may be your favorite thing in the whole wide world.

When someone new comes to visit you get excited and start jumping up and down like you have no control over your emotions.

Your favorite food are cookies.

When you say "goldfish" it sounds distinctly like "poopy".

You love baths.

You love to have me scratch your back when you're falling asleep in bed.  You never actually fall asleep, but for those 5-10 minutes you lie completely still and I love that.

When you sleep you manage to cuddle all 3-4 of your stuffed animals at the same time.  It's like you have so much cuddling to do and so little time to do it.

When I wake up in the mornings I can always count on you to follow behind shortly.  Inevitably you crawl up onto my lap and lay you head on my shoulder.  For those 10 minutes you are the most cuddly, loving 2 year old I know.  It is one of the best moments of my day.

One time I was watching a tv show that made me cry and you came up to offer me a hug.  A hug is your solution for almost anything.  It's a great solution if you ask me.

You are witty, you are charming, and you are my tornado.

So far, you are everything I dreamed you would be, and I adore you more than I considered possible.

Things I want to remember RIGHT NOW....

Liam edition (at almost 14 months)

Whenever you see Cooper you start panting like a dog.  You heart that guy.

If we ask you where Mo (our cat) is you put your palms up and say "Mo" - as if to say "Where is that guy?"

You love giving kisses.  And not just regular kisses.  In fact, you never did the open-mouthed-touch-lips-to-cheek slobbery smooches that are typical of babes your age.  You went right to the full-on "MWAAAH" puckered up kisses with a big lip smacking finish.

You hit.  Not because you are being naughty, but because you think it is genuinely funny.  I like to think of them as love taps.  Although, I still hope they stop soon.

Your favorite book is "Llama llama Red Pajama" and you will pick it off the shelf only to walk around the house with a book as big as you are saying "Llama!  llama!  llama!" until someone will read it to you.

You still have little to no hair - what's up with that?

Everyone still calls you "Little Dustin" - although I think that you look a little like my baby picture in one of your official "one year pictures" two posts ago.  Can you guess which one?

You've started saying "Thank you" and signing it.

You're a picky eater compared to your brother, but I can still get you to eat about anything if I lace it with cheese or carbohydrates.

You've started dancing, although I have legitimate concerns that you are going to have your dad's dance moves.

You are happy in the morning, hyper in the evening, and cuddly at night.

I'm afraid to ween you off your pacifier because it is like a power adapter to super cuddly time with my baby.  The minute I plug it into your mouth your head is on my shoulders and your body contours to my chest.  It is on of my happiest moments in the day.

My favorite time of day to spend with you is at night when I'm rocking you to sleep.  You make me giggle with your wily ways.

You have cast a spell over my hopeless heart.

You are funny, you are clever, and you are my sunshine.

So far, you are everything I dreamed you would be, and I adore you more than I ever considered possible.

Movie Monday: Dancing Fool

Ever since Miles learned this song with my mom he insists on singing it constantly.  So now you all get to suffer through me singing it and him dancing along. 
Something to note....he is only incredibly engaged because he insisted that Dustin turn the camera screen around so he could watch himself... we were cracking up.

Liam's One Year Pictures

A Day at the Discovery Museum

 Is anyone really shocked that we were totally drawn to art and vehicles?  I didn't think so.

And here is a little gem into the reality of my life.....

Talk about a candid photograph.  Dustin pretty much captured it right here. :)

Dear Woman at the Gym....

...with the adorable little girl.  I'm sorry if I'm staring.  I don't mean to stare at your little girl.  You don't understand how much it is killing me.  You see, I have a son.  He has her eyes.  Her exact eyes.  And I think the reason I notice is because he doesn't have my eyes.  But there are other people who share his birth country, but not his distinct almond eyes.  She shares those eyes.  I know that look.  That pondering. As she comes and stands next to me while I put on makeup - watching every movement, I want to ask you where she is born.  Instead I ask her how old she is...5.  As she looks up at me with that expression that I recognize, I am screaming inside.  Those cheekbones!  They are just like the ones I kiss every night when I get home.  I don't want to be one of those insensitive people you blog about later with their weird questions and awkward stares.  I can't think of anything I could say that wouldn't sound completely insensitive or nosy, but I want to talk about my son with you.  I want to ask you about the adoption.  I want to share stories.  I wish he was here with me right now so you would understand.  It is physically killing me to keep my mouth shut.  I open it to say something.  There's just nothing I can say.  She is so cute.  Of course I think she is cute.  I'm biased.  She has my son's eyes.

The great hair tuft

It's the tuft of hair that never stops....nothing can keep it down.  Not spit, hair product, hat hair, bathtime... it the lick that just won't quit.  And I love it.

Insomnia

Last night between the hours of 2 and 3:45 I had a terrible episode of insomnia.  This happens every once in awhile. 
It starts out with something silly:  For example, last night it was...."I'm so excited so-and-so won an award for their art piece....I can't wait to tell them." (Yes, I am THAT much of an art teacher dork.
Then it turns into the dreadful things you don't allow yourself to think about during the day... i.e. "Ugh, I do NOT want to start a new semester tomorrow.  What if I don't like any of my kids?  What if they don't think I'm funny?  What if they decide to target me in an all-out rage against the art teacher revolt?  What if I forget to pack a pair of underwear in my gymbag for tomorrow?  I must remember to pack a underwear.  What if I forget to pack clothes completely and I have to wear my sweaty gym clothes to work?  What if I forget to go to work?"
Soon it moves on to more reminiscent things... Last night it was my first "boyfriend" Brian McCowen (I use that term loosely)..."Remember Brian McCowen, that boy I "went with" in third grade and never once said a word to?  That was weird.  It was weird because I didn't even want a boyfriend.  I thought boys were stupid.  Remember how your best friend told you that you had to "go with him"?  Go where?  I don't even remember being in the same room as him.  I wonder what he's doing?  Did he graduate from high school?  Do you think he remembers me?  Why are you thinking about this?
Then about 3:15 as I get kicked in the ribs by my 2.5 year that is doing a floor routine on my bed in his sleep that rivals Mary Lou Retton circa 1984 (you better believe I was a fan (with a swimsuit to match)).  That was about the time it got serious, like it always does.  Insomnia for me always ends on a serious note....
That is when I started thinking about something I had never before considered in raising Miles....accountability.  Sure, my goal is to raise him to be a steward of the earth. To love.  To show kindness.  To be a humanitarian.  And to not be annoying.  I could say the same for Liam. 
But last night it occurred to me that there is a difference. 
There are people that have Miles' back.  There are a lot of people counting on me.  I can not screw this up.  There is a person out there that doesn't get to do this - doesn't get to show him what a backhoe is, or how to imitate an elephant.  They have chosen to let me.  Somehow, in some screwed up way, it was decided that I could provide a better life for him.  They are counting on me to do it perfectly - no room for error.  They are counting on me to love him, to show him love....to raise their baby....my baby.  And someday when and if Miles gets to meet those people I hope they can look at him and say... your mom did one hell of a job.... and that is one hell of an elephant impression.

Heart and Seoul

Okay, so a part of my heart will always reside in Seoul, South Korea, just like a part of it will forever be in Northern Ireland and England (places I lived for short stints in college).  But Seoul!  I can't wait to go back...maybe without morning sickness and with my oldest son in tow....how we will paint the town.  And now I can do it right with this awesome blog link my husband sent me today.  My gift to any of you traveling to pick up your precious babes in the near future..... I wish I had something like this the last time I went.... enjoy. :)


http://www.designspongeonline.com/2011/01/seoul-city-guide.html

One Word

My son is bossy.  Like seriously bossy.  I have no idea where he gets it.  I can't even really relate to it.  Okay, that's a laugh.... I was the queen of all bossiness as a youngster.  As an only girl in a family and extended family full of testosterone I considered it my duty to let everyone know what they were doing wrong, how they needed to fix it, and what I expected them to be doing at that moment.  I never felt the repercussions until I was an adult, but that is another post for another time.  Right now I'm talking about my bossy son. 
You know, the 2.5 year old that can get just about any adult to do what he wants, especially when he uses clear language and the occasional rare "please" and "thank you."  Well it isn't his sweet charming ways or his shouting that get me to do what he wants.  I'd like to think I'm so much more strong-willed that this kid.  But do you know what does get me?  One word... "Mommy".  Not too long ago I wondered if he would ever be able to say this word.  I yearned to hear it.  I craved it.  Just one short month ago it didn't exist in his vocabulary.  Just a short month ago I was called by some obscure word he had made up for me just like he had for Bear ("Bah"), and Monkey ("Da!").  Now I'm Mommy.  And I love it.  I could listen to him say it all day. 

Next on the language agenda.....getting Mr. Miles to call his brother Liam instead of "Deehl."  Although I might miss that one.  I've warmed up to the name Deehl quite nicely, and the play on words is endless. (i.e. "He's a big deehl", "I'm kind of a big deehl", "What's the deehl?", "Deehl it deehler", "What a raw deehl", "What a great deehl", and my favorite  "Deehl with it!".)

Wordless Wednesday: Remember that one time when it was Christmas?

why, hello there...

I am so happy to meet you.  Not that I didn't enjoy 2010, but it in all truthfulness it wasn't as awesome as 2009.  And since everything is cyclical, I'm ready for another awesome year.  I can already feel your love for my family and friends, so I have a few mild requests.

For an awesome rock-hard body... okay, walking up stairs without dying will do.
For no more cancer... I don't have it, but people I love did in 2010.  Could you do something about that please?
For spiritual enlightenment.... or just some quiet time where I could have a word with the head honcho upstairs once in awhile.
For cold hard cash... fine, maybe just some financial sensibility on my part would do.
For the perfect, graceful, and effective way to deal with 2.5 year-old-fits of epic proportions in public... or for an understanding audience.
For a new and sophisticated looking blog with incredibly written language and soul-searching insight... or a newish looking and stylish blog interface would do.
For optimum health and ageless beauty... or the reminder to floss every night and the energy to remove my eye makeup.

Thanks 2011.  That's my list, and I'm sure you won't let me down.
Sincerely, me

give a little bit of love...

A year and half ago we travel to Korea to bring home our oldest child.  It was scary.  I was sick.  We were emotionally overwhelmed.  On that trip we traveled with another woman and her mother that were bringing home a little boy as well.  This woman was calm, down-to-earth, and stoic.  She had three other children and a husband at home waiting for her to return with their newest addition.  It was so cool to be on that journey with her. 

Now this family has another journey to take.  They are bringing home another child - a little girl.  You can read her story here.  In short, Tracy and her family have fund raised their hearts out to earn every penny they need to adopt a 3-year-old girl with significant special needs.  A little girl that most of us would not be brave enough to choose to raise. Because of  some special circumstances with their daughter, Tracy will need a travel companion to help on the return trip (her husband has to stay home to take care of their other children).  Tracy has someone who can travel, but can't afford the extra ticket they would need to go over there.  This family is now just 2-3 weeks from traveling.  So close, but so far away.  As an at-one-time waiting mama, I know how painful that can be, especially when you're not sure how you're going to manage it. 

So, I'm asking you to consider donating.  I don't usually do that.  I don't really want my blog to be a vehicle for my political or social agenda, but it is my blog...so I'm making my exception here....because I can. 
So give if you can.

Start 2011 with a little karma on your side. :)