Monday, May 2, 2011

Hurry up and wait...

A few weeks ago I decided to do something and even got my sometimes-hard-to-convince-husband on board right away.
Before I did this I prayed.  I prayed that I would release my fate to God's will.  I prayed that I would make decisions based on what God wanted for my life.  And I prayed that I would be okay with it.
And I was.
When we were only three days in.
It was so easy to say....God's will be done when the idea and decision were fresh.  If it worked out, great.... if it didn't, fine..... it was God's will.
So we put ourselves out there.  We took steps that were out of our comfort zone.  We did it quickly because we were told we needed to hurry.
And now we're waiting.
And I'm singing a different tune.
I still recite to myself that I am subject to God's will. But I'm failing.  Because now I check my email every 2 minutes. 
And it takes me back....boy, does it take me back.  To all of the paperwork.  All of the waiting.  All of the praying.
These last few days, (and I'm not kidding, we're only talking about a few days here people) I have been reminded of how bad I am at waiting.  How much I struggle to submit to a timeline put in place by someone much greater than myself.
But I'm also reminded that the best things in my life have come to me through waiting... the most beautiful things in my life were never just handed to me as soon as I wanted them.
I had to wait for my husband to figure out that I was the perfect girl to fall in love with.
I had to wait for my oldest son to come home.
I had to wait to get pregnant.
I had to wait until a teaching job was ready for me.
And now I have to wait again.

I can't doubt for a minute that this waiting is going to end in something beautiful. 

You would think I would get it, that I would be a seasoned pro by now. 
Perhaps what I really need to be praying for right now is patience.  Because I'm going to need it.

{Don't get excited people. If I told you what it was you would be disappointed at the insignificance of it.  And for those that already have the gears cranking in your head, it has nothing to do with babies. :) }


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Of course, my mind was going in the baby direction. Phooey!
No matter what it is, though, I know that even if we set ourselves up with patience and low expectations, it is still just hard sometimes. Hope you know more soon. I hate being a slave to my email when I'm waiting for something.