Saturday, April 17, 2010

Your forever "eomma"

There has been a lot about adoption in the news lately - first the missionaries in Haiti and then the mother who sent her child back to Russia with a note.  It really has me thinking.  I think about how others must see our family - it is obvious that one of my sons is adopted and that the other son looks just like his father.  I am conscious about how that appears....especially when someone asks me if I'm "babysitting".  (Yes, it just happened at the international food market a few weeks ago.)  It is easy for me to get flustered or angry when someone talks about me "saving" a child, or asks imposing questions about my decisions....but I don't want to get angry.  I want my children to see me approach these questions completely unfussed.  I want to appear cool and cavalier....because these questions don't matter.  What others wonder, or think doesn't matter.  If anything, I've been given these opportunities to point out how special each of my boys are, and to educate those around me.
There are a few things that I want BOTH of my boys to always remember...

** I don't have a choice in loving you.  For me it is no longer optional.  I am built to love these two little boys.  I function by loving them.
**  They are stuck with me forever.  Both of them - they aren't going to get another mom.  There may be times when they want one - like when I drop them off at soccer practice in my paint clothes, or sing along in public to whatever is on the radio, or when we go to weddings and I attempt dancing, or when they are stuck going to high school at the same school I teach at.
**  Nothing you can do will make me stop loving you.  You can try - although I hope you don't.
**  You're probably going to have a hard time finding a significant other that I'll think is good enough.
**  That my emotions are tied to your emotions.  Although I love being happy when you're happy, life would be a lot easier if I didn't also get sad when you're sad, or angry when you're feeling angry.  However, I also don't want you to feel the pressure to always be happy.  I want to feel these emotions with them...I want to deal with what they're dealing with.  I choose it.
**  If they want to get their hair buzzed while I'm still alive, then they are just out of luck.
**  If I could choose ANY two little boys in the ENTIRE world to raise, it would be them, hands down.
**  I'm going to make mistakes, and I'm going to try to always remember to apologize for them.  But, for those mistakes that I don't catch until it is too late, and I forget to apologize, I will tell you I'm Sorry now. :)
**  We're in this for forever, and I wouldn't have it any other way.