toddler.

To my youngest.

Today you are a toddler.  How do I know?  Because I got an email this morning from a company that sends me weekly updates on your progress and the subject line read "Your toddler at one year."  Seriously Liam, it said that.  Can you believe it?
I can.
Well, I can and I can't.
I can believe that you're one.  I believe it because I see you walking everywhere in your frankensteinish marching manner with your hands in the air like you aren't sure where they go.  I believe it because I watched you down two helpings of macaroni and cheese tonight and almost an entire birthday celebratory donut.  I believe it because of the way you try to make everyone laugh with your silly ways and witty charm.  I believe it because I just packed away your 6-12 month clothes last night.
I believe it, but I don't like it.
I don't like it because you still love to cuddle up against me when I'm rocking you.  I don't like it because right now you get so excited to see me.  I don't like it because it feels like just yesterday that you loved being swaddled and were soothed to sleep by that weird seahorse thingy that I never quite understood.  Just a little bit ago I could leave the room and come back and you'd be where I left you (well, unless your brother was in the room too, then you would be somewhere else and NOT happy about it.).  I don't like it because I feel this all slipping through my fingers.
Can you believe that a year ago from this moment we had never met?  I had never looked into your eyes or held your hands. A year ago from this exact moment I had never heard your laugh or cry.  I didn't know if you would have blond hair or no hair.  I didn't know that you had a belly button that only popped out after you ate, like a turkey when it is cooked through.  I didn't know that you would love baths and peek-a-boo, or that you would love snuggling up to your silky to go to sleep.  A year ago from this exact moment I knew that you were coming, but I had no idea how happy I'd be to meet you.  A year ago from now I didn't know I had so much room in my heart for you.
And now?  I know.

Here's to another year little boy.  I love you.
Mom.