Tuesday, December 21, 2010

Mama's Boys

I love having boys.  They are crazy and rambunctious, unorganized and loud, fast and sneaky, but they are so much fun.  Lately I've been thinking a lot about the phrase "mama's boy."  The reason is because neither of my sons are really "mama's boys".  Sure, they love me and they prefer me over strangers (most of the time - Miles still has an affinity for middle-aged to elderly men), but they don't necessarily need me.  Usually I don't feel too bad about it.  They still get excited when I pick them up from the sitter's and yell "Mama" through the window the whole time I'm coming up to the door.  They still wave at me from the picture window when I'm leaving home.  They even call for me in the middle of the night.  But it's not just me.  They do the same for their dad.  In fact, sometimes they prefer their dad. 
That's been hard for me. 
If I really think about it and actually kept track, I'm sure that they would seek either of us out evenly - which seems fair.  Unless you're the mom.  Aren't moms supposed to be the lifeline - especially for boys?  I remember that my brothers were huge mama's boys - at least from my perspective.  It used to hurt a little when my sons called for their dad, or pushed me away to go to Dustin - even though they do the same thing to him (it's easier to remember the negatives sometimes than the positives). 
I spent a lot of time trying to figure out what was wrong with me and trying to balance my nurturing side with my strict side.  I've analyzed it over and over again.
This is what I've come up with...
My husband is just a really good dad.  I mean, he's REALLY good.  It isn't about my shortcomings or my inability to smother my children with motherly overbearing love, it is just that they have an awesome dad.  A dad that will change diapers without complaining, and will get down on the floor with them to play with trucks.  A dad that will chase them around the kitchen table screaming like a child.  A dad that will read them stories and give them kisses before bedtime.  That will teach them to yell "touchdown" and take them outside to stomp around in the snow.  A dad that adjusts his working hours so that he can stay home with them at least one day a week.  A dad that is never really off duty. 
So, to all you awesome dads out there - you're really doing a number on us over-analyzing, super sensitive moms.  But I wouldn't trade it for anything.


Hilary said... Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

So even my "mama's boy" told me unapologetically last night, "Daddy is more fun than you. He plays with me more. I like playing with him better." It hurt my heart for a moment, but then shortly realized this exact thing that you post about here. I have a fantastic husband who is a fantastic dad, and how grateful I am that he's so fun and wonderful with them! Well said.

Kristen said... Best Blogger Tips[Reply to comment]Best Blogger Templates

I completely understand this post - I have to remind myself from time to time that parenting is not a competition w/my husband ;)