Wednesday, November 5, 2014

Day 310: Apprentice

I spent a lot of last year trying to figure out what my title was.  I wasn't home enough to be a SAHM and I still can't spit out the word "kiddos", which seems to be mandatory for SAHM vocabulary.  I worked at a college, but for the first time in my adult life wasn't a teacher. 

I made my own cheese. 

That's how confused I was. 

Seriously.  There are people out there that make really good cheese - natural non-processed cheese, and I was grasping so violently for something to be an expert in, that I chose cheese. 

Those people are called cheese makers.  A cheese maker I am not.

The truth is that I most definitely wasn't an expert at parenting.  My role as a mother is so far from what I expected when I started this journey 7 years ago.  As I sat through various parent/teacher conferences, counseling appointments, and doctor's appointments I would shrink into my chair and feel like a failure at the one thing I was supposed to be doing at this season in my life.  Inevitably I felt the need to blurt out "I was a teacher for seven years!" at every single instance.

My desperation was embarrassing.  It was like I wanted everyone to know that I do know something other than this.  There was something else that I actually was almost an expert at.   It was imperative that they know this.  Life or death really.

But the beauty of all this is that I have learned despite my lack of expertise in parenting, I am actually a really good apprentice. I am an excellent listener and note-taker. I learn quickly from mistakes and adjust to changing tides. I will probably never be an expert, but I will enjoy the journey of learning.

Today I am thankful for patient instructors.