Alright....it is official. I am OVER waiting. Yesterday I stayed home from school because I have something really weird going on with my back that seems to progressively get worse everyday. But that's not why I'm writing on here....I'm writing on here today because I spent the entire day yesterday pretending like I was leaving for Korea in a matter of days. I spent all day looking up flights and hotels, reading other people's adoption blogs that have already gone to Korea, figuring out the exchange rate, figuring out the electrical outlets, creating a packing list, and washing 24 clothe diapers - 3 times. It felt good... it was therapeutic in a way, and I appreciate therapy. I have been in this funk for a few days now and all I can pin it down to is the fact that Miles turned nine months old on February 24th - in Korea of course.
I think the hardest part is not knowing what is going on. I have made the unintended decision that I have unfortunately or fortunately approached much of my life with. I have chosen to not educate myself on this whole process anymore than necessary. I didn't realize I was doing this until I started reading postings in a yahoo group I belong to. Everyone has timelines all written out, and know exactly where all of their paperwork is located, and are using all of these crazy acronyms for things that I've never even heard of. The scary part is that more than half of them are using the same agency as us. My friend Heidi told me that being a mother is the most humbling job..... it is the first time that no one is there evaluating you, telling you if you are doing it right..... perhaps this is the beginning of that feeling? When I approached this it was like this, "Okay, I KNOW that I'm going to have a baby at the end of this, so all I can do is leave it in God's hand from here on." That seemed wise at the time, and I still believe that things will only happen at God's pace, but I'm starting to wonder if I need to make the same calls to the NVCthat everyone else talks about making daily (I don't even know what that is..... another one of those crazy acronyms).
Okay, enough lamenting...... The real reason I'm writing is because in my Korea planning day yesterday I took some photos that I can share. This first one is of all of the diapers that I washed and put together. I just think they're super cute. For those of you not familiar, they have little absorbant inserts that come out when you wash them, and they are completely waterproof - no plastic pants!
Here is also a movie I made of Miles' room yesterday so that our out-of-town family and friends could see what we've done. All I'm waiting on is the mobile that I am in the process of making. :) Now, with the showing of the video I want everyone to be fully aware that I am aware that I will never see this room like this again...that's another reason to show this now. I just don't want anyone to think that I have an unrealistic view of babies. By the time any of you get out here, it may never be the same. :)
Also, in January we sent Miles a little care package when we found out that another couple was leaving soon for Korea and would be able to deliver it to him. In the package we included a stuffed monkey that Rachel and Isaac bought for him as soon as we got our referral (it was our first baby gift!), and a photo album of all of my family and Dustin's family so that he could look at the pictures, and we also included a card. Now the card is an interesting story because we were trying to think of something that we could record our voices into. Someone mentioned a Build-A-Bear, but the one in Peoria just closed - little did I know they opened another one at a different location. Since we couldn't do that, someone else mentioned the Hallmark Cards that you can record your voice into. I thought that was a great idea, so I went to Hallmark after school and picked one out. I explained to the women what I wanted and so we looked at Valentines Day cards. There was a perfect one sitting there that talked about being a family and loving each other and such. So I bought it and paid. I took it all of the way home and then Dustin and I proceeded to say a little message to Miles. It only took half a dozen times because Dustin kept getting all sentimental. :) Finally we saved our message and played it make to ourselves....... only to find out that the end of the message was met with a loud and boisterous rendition of "We Are Family" by Sister Sledge. We laughed SO HARD. After these well-thought and sentimental words that we had left lovingly for our son, there is an obnoxious top hit from 1979 blaring out of the card. There is no way Miles' foster mother is going to play that for him more than once, and will probably worry about the sanity of his future parents. Anyways, this is a picture of the stuff that we sent to him. Just ignore the junk around the image...for some reason I didn't think to clear off the table. :)
So I'm sure I'll probably write in this blog more regularly since I have found it to be comforting. If you've made it this far in the post, then that is pretty impressive - congratulations on persevering.