One Year Ago Today...

Dear Miles,
One year ago today I woke up sad, but hopeful.  I was a mother without a child - my heart ached as I got ready for work and left early in the morning wondering how I was going to make it through another Thursday without a phone call.  I spent the entire day checking my cell phone between classes, telling myself that it would be okay and that the phone call would come when you were ready.  As the end of the day came to an end my students all left the room and I sat at my desk with my head between my hands.  I remember holding back tears as I thought about how the phonecall would have already come if it was going to happen that day.  I wanted to go home so that no one else would ask whether I had heard anything.  I was so sad.

Then just a little after 3:00 - just minutes after I had given up hope my phone rang and it was the social worker.  She told me that she had a pictures of a little boy named Yo Seb Kim and that he was ours.  She told me that you were healthy and read everything she could about you over the phone.  I was so excited that I couldn't even figure out what to do.  I called your dad at work, but he wasn't answering because he was in the middle of a class.  I sat at my desk and embraced the fact that you were my own little secret for as long as I could (about 10 minutes).  I called his office and his classroom, and then I finally called the front office and made them hunt him down so that I could tell him.  I knew that he would want to know the exciting news immediately.

All night we talked about you and dreamed about you.  We already loved you and couldn't wait to meet you.  The next day we took off work so that we could see your beautiful picture and sign some other forms.  Afterwards we  went out to eat to celebrate you - just the two of us.  On Saturday morning we laid in bed and thought of names for you.  When we decided on Miles we called our parents (your grandparents) and they were so excited to hear about you.  They loved you too, and hadn't even met you - imagine how much they must love you now that they know how funny and wonderful you are.

Now one year later we can't imagine life without you.  It is hard for me to remember what it felt like a year ago to not have you.  Everyday you make me smile - even when you're grumpy.  Everyday you amaze me with the things that you can do and know.  I can't wait to see you when you wake up in the morning and I can't stand waiting to see you after work.  On Wednesday I saw you walking past the school with your babysitter and it made me smile because you love walks and you love your babysitter, but it made me sad because I couldn't be there.  In just a short time our lives will really change, but I want you to know that how much I love you won't.  A year ago I didn't think that my heart could fill up anymore than it already had, but now my cup runnith over. :)

We love you Miles.  Happy one-year referral day.

Love, Your Mom