Remember that one time that your students made you cry?

I made it a policy early on in my teaching career to never cry in front of students, and until today I never had.  Sure, there have been times I have locked myself in the darkroom after a particular frustrating hour and have shed a few tears, but NEVER in front of my students.
Until today.
One of my students had this great idea to show this video.  (warning...you may not want to watch it until you've read this post.)  This isn't just any video.  First of all, it's a music video - a music video by an artist that just came out with a new Christmas song.  That seems harmless, right?  Well, this song was written about a little boy from the town I teach in.  This song is about this community.  This song is about Dax.
If you want to learn more about Dax and his story, you can link to the movie.  I'm just telling you that I was unprepared.  Like, seriously unprepared.  Sure, I was around when the community rallied behind this sick little boy, and I remember thinking what a sad story it was.  But I was disconnected.  I didn't have kids yet and I don't actually live in the town I teach in.  I was this safe distance from it. 
It doesn't matter now how disconnected I was.  THIS IS THE SADDEST VIDEO EVER.
So as my students convince me to show this in class I sit innocently at my desk thinking how sweet it is that my students have room in their heart for a story of such seriousness.  Then it started.  It started with the ugly - I'm trying not to cry face.  It then turned into the - I only have watery eyes because I'm yawning fake-out.  And by the end of the first verse it was full-on nothing-can-stop-me crying.
Finally the video ended and I tried to compose myself as I walked over to hit the lights.  Mascara was everywhere and I could tell that my face was beyond blotchy.  I was so embarassed.  I turned on the lights and then faced the classroom full of judgmental egocentric teenagers.  NOT A SINGLE DRY EYE.  I'm not kidding.  Football players were feigning sleep so that they wouldn't have to look at me.  Girls were digging through their purses to avoid eye contact.
Perhaps it's because it hit close to home - literally for these kids.  A lot of them were involved in the story when it happened.  A lot of them still remember it very clearly.
Finally I made some lame comment about "a class that cries together creates together."  snickers and giggles ensued.  So now my "no crying in front of students" policy needs an earmark for "super sad music videos about adorable little boys."

**  If you want to be legit about the video and at the same time make a donation to St. Jude, go to this link.

To Family Day or Not to Family Day.....

I've had a year and half to think about this.  I've had at least that long to make a decision, but I'm still not completely confident with it.

We have a special day that we celebrate for the day we brought Miles home with us.  We've decided to call it "Family Day." Don't ask me why, there are a million different names for it out there - Gotcha Day, Adoption Day, etc.  For some reason early-on we decided to call it Family Day.  This last year we decided to celebrate by making the day all about Miles.  We went to a Korea restaurant, went to a special store to pick out a few trucks, and even went and sat in a few tractors for fun.
But for the last year and half I've been trying to decide whether to do the same for my other son....the son that wasn't adopted.
Technically this "holiday" was introduced to us by our adoption agency so I always thought of it as a celebration only for adopted children.  I mean, I did tear him away from his foster mother, culture, and native language, wouldn't a special day for just him make up for that? Okay, I guess not.  But wouldn't it make sense that he would have one special holiday over our other son?  The one that wasn't adopted?

This is what I struggle with.  This is why I have waited to make this decision.

Here are my thoughts.  First of all - it's not an OFFICIAL holiday.  It's OUR holiday.  We made it up for our family, so it can mean whatever we want it to.  To me it means the growth of our family.  Secondly - both of my sons came to us in different and incredibly fantastic ways.  They both have such different stories.  They both deserve to be celebrated.
So this is the day that we brought Liam home with us.  This is his family day.  I mean, can a family really have too many days in the year to celebrate how they came to be a family?  I don't think so.
Now I just have to decide how we're going to celebrate Liam's culture.....Shoofly Pie and Borscht anyone?

Happy Birthday Liam.

toddler.

To my youngest.

Today you are a toddler.  How do I know?  Because I got an email this morning from a company that sends me weekly updates on your progress and the subject line read "Your toddler at one year."  Seriously Liam, it said that.  Can you believe it?
I can.
Well, I can and I can't.
I can believe that you're one.  I believe it because I see you walking everywhere in your frankensteinish marching manner with your hands in the air like you aren't sure where they go.  I believe it because I watched you down two helpings of macaroni and cheese tonight and almost an entire birthday celebratory donut.  I believe it because of the way you try to make everyone laugh with your silly ways and witty charm.  I believe it because I just packed away your 6-12 month clothes last night.
I believe it, but I don't like it.
I don't like it because you still love to cuddle up against me when I'm rocking you.  I don't like it because right now you get so excited to see me.  I don't like it because it feels like just yesterday that you loved being swaddled and were soothed to sleep by that weird seahorse thingy that I never quite understood.  Just a little bit ago I could leave the room and come back and you'd be where I left you (well, unless your brother was in the room too, then you would be somewhere else and NOT happy about it.).  I don't like it because I feel this all slipping through my fingers.
Can you believe that a year ago from this moment we had never met?  I had never looked into your eyes or held your hands. A year ago from this exact moment I had never heard your laugh or cry.  I didn't know if you would have blond hair or no hair.  I didn't know that you had a belly button that only popped out after you ate, like a turkey when it is cooked through.  I didn't know that you would love baths and peek-a-boo, or that you would love snuggling up to your silky to go to sleep.  A year ago from this exact moment I knew that you were coming, but I had no idea how happy I'd be to meet you.  A year ago from now I didn't know I had so much room in my heart for you.
And now?  I know.

Here's to another year little boy.  I love you.
Mom.

A Visit with Santa

The Scene: Breakfast with Santa
Hosted By: Our adoption agency
The Mood: excitement followed by melancholy, followed by excitement, followed by anger
What we asked for:  Carrrrrrs. (umm, if you didn't know this, then you either haven't been following this blog, or you should probably get tested for reading comprehension.)
How we felt about santa:  See above under "Mood".
Guilty of: Standing up during Santa Story time and shouting loudly "Hi Santa!  Hi!  Hi Santa!" while waving vehemently and expecting an immediate response from the jolly guy in red.
Surprised me by: Waiting incredibly patiently in line to him.
What I love about this picture: His "Oh, Santa's No Big Deal" expression.
Afterwards: Santa gave us a bag filled with Hershey Kisses that we then proceeded to eat, and then try to give back to him.  This was a potential messy disaster that was only avoided because of Mom's cat-like reflexes.

Thank you letter from one to another.

Dear Little Brother Liam,
Thanks for having a birthday and throwing a heck of a party last night - for inviting all of my friends and having them all bring over tons of loot.  You can wear the pajamas and have the gift cards, but I'll let you know when you can have your turn at all of your other toys....sucker.

xoxoxo, Your Big Brother Miles.

Wordless Wednesday - Tractor Tipping

 

Does anyone else have a "Cars" fan in their house?