It is well...

When peace like a river, attendeth my way,
When sorrows like sea billows roll
Whatever my lot, thou hast taught me to say
It is well, it is well, with my soul

Horatio G. Spafford

The song lyrics above mean so much more once you read the story behind the writing of this song.  It is a song formed out of intense grief and loss - a last-ditch effort to understand why we are dealt hands that seem to difficult to bear. 

It seems as though my last handful of posts all start with "I haven't written in awhile..."  Which is true.  I have so much to say, but lack the motivation to make time or to start. 

I'm not promising a start, so don't get excited.  I am not promising to give more of myself than I am able.  In fact, the opposite. I am learning to give less of myself to the things I can no longer give. 

I am promising to be a better neighbor, but perhaps a lesser volunteer.  I am promising to be an artist, but not a bystander. I am promising to be a mother, but perhaps not one that nourishes my family from within the walls of my home or behind closed doors. 

It is time for me to start embracing the person God created me to be. To stop apologizing or accepting what others refuse to give. To open myself up to new experiences and a journey for which I have never really had the map. 

This life is messy.  I accept it's challenges.