Day 211: Date

Tonight I had a special date night with my oldest son.  It included school shopping, his choice of restaurant, and ice cream.  It was such a sweet and special time.  I cherish the rare moments when I get one-on-one time with my son.  And after living a year with so little, I am also thankful that we can afford to do special things like that every once in a great while.

Today I am thankful for a special evening alone with my little boy; my oldest boy.

Day 210 - Over halfway

I am notorious for losing gumption halfway through a project.  Usually it's around the time the room is halfway painted with the second coat of red paint, or the set for the Renaissance Fair needs about three more days work.  I like to call myself an ideas person.  Because, heaven help us, do I have a lot of ideas.  I also am a self-proclaimed starter.  If you give me an idea, I'll find a way to make it happen.  Just don't expect me to stick around for the finish.

Guys....this is hard. 

I have seriously entertained the idea of quitting at least 13 times.  I have not had a single day where I have had a hard time being grateful.  Rather, I've had a billion days where I've had a hard time sitting down at a computer to type out things that I would sometimes rather just think through thoroughly in my head. 

There are days when the last thing I want to do is sit down at my computer and make myself write.

There are also days when I have so much to be thankful for that I feel guilty when so many people in the world have so little peace, love, or companionship.

Today I am thankful that this project is half over.  

Day 209: Insurance

Tonight after a long long LONG day of sitting through orientation I brought home a packet of papers with the intention to pour over them with a cup of tea in my hand and my semi-cooperative husband sitting next to me pretending to listen to everything I said. 

We had some big decisions to make - like, INSURANCE DECISIONS.

dun dun duunnnnnnnnnn.

But as we sifted through the papers and wrote numbers onto paper that only sort of made sense to us, I realized how lucky we were.  Here we were trying to decide between two very good insurance plans - plans provided to us by our employers.  That's a pretty good problem to have.


Today I am thankful for good insurance.

Day 208: Scared

I have exactly two weeks and one day until I step into a classroom.  Whenever someone asks me about starting a new job I always, ALWAYS use the phrase, "I'm really excited" with some combination of smiling and nodding. 

It never occurred to me until today that I'm a liar. 

When I think about things like walking around a classroom full of working students while music plays in the background, or teaching two-point perspective for the first time - I'm genuinely excited. 

But....
(and there's always a "but")

When I think about not being there to pick up or drop off my kids at preschool and Kindergarten I get an emotion that is so weird and so specific that the closest second I can think of is sadness.  When I think about not being there when the school calls to pick someone up because of sickness or behavior (which happens in our house), it makes my stomach hurt.  When I imagine someone else putting my youngest down for a nap and being there when he wakes up, my eyes well up tears that are laced with jealousy and guilt. 

I am so weak. 

I am excited, but today as I sat in orientation and counted down the days until school starts I wanted to lay my head on the table in front of me and let go into big pathetic sobs. 

I know I can do this.  I just have moments where I don't feel ready.

But......
(and remember how I always said there's a "but")

I am ready.  When I look past the guilt and jealousy and sadness I can see that they are all artificial.  I will miss my boys, but I will have more to give them in the times we are together. 

I will miss naptime and carefree schedules, but we won't be stressed with the same financial difficulties we had before. 

I will miss morning tantrums and afternoon meltdowns....oh wait, no I won't miss those at all.

(see, there are benefits)

So tonight I am going to dinner with my girlfriends and instead of mourning the summer that has passed, I'm going to choose to embrace the start of the school year that I get to help them conquer. 

Today I am thankful for friends that can empathize with a soon-to-be full-time working mom.

Like everything else I've ever encountered in motherhood...it is not for the weak of heart.

Day 207: Home Sweet HOme

Here we are, back home again after a wonderful trip to see my family. 

Tomorrow I start work at a new job and I am excited, apprehensive, and just a touch nervous. 

But I think it will be good.

Today I am thankful for a restful evening before my first day back at work.

Day 206: Relaxing

Don't ask me how my days got out of order down there.... that's going to beyond bug me.

Today was all about relaxing.  Relaxed meals. Relaxed naptimes.  Relaxed beach-going. 

Relaxed.

Today I am thankful for a relaxed day.

Day 205: Afternoon

This afternoon I got to spend time in a beautiful town with my Mom, Sister-in-law, and an impromptu visit from a dear college friend.  The weather was perfect, and it was a fantastic time.

Today I am thankful for a relaxing afternoon with wonderful women.