The Next Jack Johnson and John Mayer (except cooler)

Proof that October Happened....

because I can't seem to remember it beginning or ending, and now we're halfway through November.
This was a pretty good way for it to start out...

 

We've found a church (finally) that we feel really comfortable in.  Hence the dressy outfits. In fact, I like it so much I'm already dreading leaving it this summer.  

Then there was this...

 It was the official opening of our new building, The Davey Village.  It's a beautiful building, and we've actually been using it for over a year, but this was the day that all sorts of important people came out to see it and bless it and talk about all of the amazing things that this place we are privileged to work at has done for peace and reconciliation. 

 I didn't actually know any of these important people, but as the pseudo "official" photographer, I got to meet them.  Surprisingly, all of the "important people" would also qualify as "really nice people".   

Then, as I mentioned in other posts...there was Halloween.  A BIG deal here.  Although, some of the things that are super popular at home, aren't as popular here.  For example, pumpkin carving...

 

We took some pumpkins to the volunteers who loved doing it.  We also carved the insides out as much as we could from all 17 pumpkins, so I've been baking pumpkin goodies nonstop for about a week now - also something that isn't popular here since you can't find canned pumpkin.  We've had pumpkin bread, pumpkin cookies, pumpkin roll (my favorite), and pumpkin muffins.  Like I said, I had a lot of pumpkin.

We went trick or treating this year, although they don't call it that, because they actually believe in the origin of trick-or-treating, which is that you have to do some sort of "trick" in order to get some sort of "treat" - which is usually a piece of fruit.  Luckily, one of our family friends invited our boys to join their boys for some neighborhood candy collecting.    Afterwards we got to watch and walk in the Halloween parade.  People take dressing up up their children really seriously here.  There are no cute baseball players, or nice friendly nurses.  There was, however, a bloody bride, two zombies, and five witches - face paint and all - when I dropped Miles off at school.

And that brings us to Ollie's (and my) least favorite month....Movember.  But more on that later.  

How long until December?

Reunion

I've mentioned before that this is my second time living in Northern Ireland for a period of time.  The first time was twelve years ago and what now seems like a short period of time - four months.

I was twenty and in love with a boy I had only started dating three months before I got on the plane to start that adventure. He got on a different plane for Costa Rica.  I thought my life would end.

Of course that's not true...I knew I'd be fine and I like to think I knew I was going to marry him before I even got on that plane.

 

I learned a lot about myself during that adventure.  I learned that I was independent and that I actually loved the place I was from - Middle America.   I learned that I needed to be more patient with people and to allow grace in my life. 

The diamond

I learned how to do things by myself.  I learned how to spot a rainbow coming and how to keep your jeans dry in the rain.  I learned what Corrymeela was, and about conflict that was still so fresh.

 The things I learned during that season of my life are so dear to me that it has taken me until now - over a year since the day - to return to the city I called home while I was here.

I wasn't scared of what I would find.  Rather, I had this preserved memory held close to my heart and I just wasn't sure I was ready to share it.  To be honest, I wanted to come back to the city on my own, or with the people I had come here with many years ago, and are still dear friends of mine. 

 But time finally won out and I made my big homecoming journey.

It all began because I was looking for fun Halloween-related things to do with the boys and I stumbled upon an amazing dinner, breakfast, and hotel deal for one night.  I told myself, "Self, it's time to suck it up."  I packed up my kids and husband after work on Friday and made a beeline for Derry.

There were no bells or whistles.  Nobody even noticed I was there.  In fact, my kids got more fanfare than I did.  We spent a lot of time in the hotel room, because for some reason my boys LOVE a good hotel room.  There was swimming (which is a rarity in hotels here), movies, and delicious food to be had.

When we finally mustered up the gumption and the wits to leave our hotel room, we walked the city walls I had walked 12 years ago.  I talked about all of the millions of things I remembered and forgot.  I kept remarking on how things had changed.  12 years is a long time in the life of a healing city.

The Bogside as seen from the walls.

There were times when I felt as though the city had changed while I had stayed the same.

And then I remembered what I was like when I was 20, and I knew that was just crazy talk. (I prayed it was crazy talk.)

 When my husband finally got tired of me talking mostly to myself about things he didn't care about, we finally made our way into the mall for the kids' festivities that had drawn us there in the first place.  (Strangely, the mall I had remembered quite well.)

  There was face painting, and games, and in the midst of all that, an epic tantrum, but I will remember the experience as full and lovely.  I will remember how Liam knew immediately, before we even saw the face-painter, that he wanted to be a tiger.  I will remember Super Miles' brief identity crisis when he decided he so-desired the face of Spidey-guy. 

When it was time to leave I wanted to make one last stop.  I wanted to see Nelson Drive and the house I stayed in.  My husband slowly made his way across the bridge following my directions - based completely on memory.  As he navigated the streets I slowly took in the route that was so familiar so long ago.  I pointed out places that meant nothing to him, but so much to me.  As we got closer I grew anxious for no reason I could identify.

When he turned onto Nelson Drive I was silent.  He finally asked me questions and I didn't feel like answering.

I don't know what it had been through since our lives had last intertwined, but I hoped desperately that I looked to be in better shape than this place I once called home.  I wish I could say it was exactly how I remembered it, but it wasn't.  I wish I could tell you that I knew exactly which house was mine, but I can't.  I wish I could tell you that in these more peaceful times it has flourished and blossomed, but it hasn't.

It's funny how anti-climatic it all seemed at the time, but in the days since I can't get it out of my mind.

One-Word Wednesday

 

Kingdom.

One Word Wednesday

 

Heroes.

 

The Day I Looked for Fall

 Last weekend the sun was shining, the leaves were turning as close to bright fall colors as they get in this country. My family was antsy for adventure. 

So in the spirit of adventure, we packed a lunch, a camera, and three little bodies into the car and headed out to a part of the coast we had never been.

I'm growing very aware that we are on the other side of this two-year adventure - the downhill, easy part.

 And I am very conscious of the fact that I don't just want to coast through it.

Otherwise I might miss this...

 

And this...

 

And the next 8-9 months could go by with me sitting on my computer planning our future instead of ever seeing this...

It is easy to be comfortable with this place now - it is like being home - so much so that I could become paralyzed by the fear of leaving to start our next adventure.

 And that could make me look more like this...

 

So lately I've been trying to create adventure in this place that has become so familiar to us that it would be easy to assume no more adventure exists.  

I still miss my friends of the Midwest, the dinner parties, and the pumpkin lattes of "home", but for now I'm gulping up the warmth and rooting myself in this other place...

Our Now Home.

Lessons Learned

Being a parent is damn hard.
I know - strange that I'm just now acknowledging this.  The truth is that I'm just now realizing this.

I've always prided myself in being a very laid-back parent.  Until this past year, there were very few things in my life I could honestly say I was "laid-back" about, but parenting was one of them.  I thought my less-is-more approach would teach them independence and creativity.  I even thought it would allow them to broaden their social skills.  I've always thought that I could have 4+ children and still have time for hobbies and businesses that would nourish my soul creatively.  I thought I would be able to take my small army of children out to restaurants or to other countries and expose them to all sorts of experiences.  I assumed learning would come naturally for my kids, and that I could just nurture their creativity because the rest would come automatically.  I thought my children would share everything, and own nothing - becoming best friends, roommates, and the best of playmates.
I tried very hard to do all of these things.
But friends, I was wrong.

I'm ashamed to admit it, but I've tried even harder to make sure my role as "Mom" didn't interfere with the rest of my life.  

I'd like to assume that there are parents out there that can be laid-back and it totally works for their kids.  There must be people who have a zillion children and still manage to keep a life full of adventure completely apart from being a "Mommy". (Although I grow less certain of this everyday.)
I hope these things are true, but I am unsure of them.

This is what I know for sure:

• I know that my oldest son needs a mom who will walk and talk him through appropriate social situations and reactions to social situations, rather than just allowing him to figure it out on his own.
• I know that my children need their own space.  And their own things.  And when they can take ownership in the above, they also learn to love and play together more like friends, and less like forced siblings.
• I know that my children gain nothing by being forced to go out to a restaurant as an entire family.  Those social skills I thought I was teaching them in these situations?  They are much better learned one-on-one during special times out with one of us, or just as easily in our own dining room at home.
• I know that to live the life I want, and pursue the dreams I have, then my new dream is going to just have to be a family of three boys - and I am completely and totally okay with that.  In fact, the idea of it makes me smile.
• I know that I can't just take my kids to the park and sit on a bench, like I want to.  Some parents can.  However, I have a son that needs me up in his business and teaching him the tools he needs to interact and play with other kids - including his brothers.
• I know that for the time being, playdates won't just be me having coffee with another mom while our kids play off somewhere unsupervised. I know that I actually am scared of playdates as it stands now.
• I know that moms (or dads) that make the conscious decision to have many kids, and to raise them well, also make the conscious decision that it will be their full-time jobs for a bit of time, and other things may have to be put on the back burner the first few years.

I know these things now.  You could say I'm a slow learner.  My dear friend Tiffani would say I'm too hard on myself.  I don't think I'm harder on myself than any other mother out there - I'm just willing to broadcast it, which someday may lead to regret.

Maybe I should have sat myself down awhile ago and given myself a stern "talking to".

Maybe better late than never.