Learning Curve

I've officially been a mother for a little over three years now.  I have felt like a mother for just over three and a half.  I have wanted to be a mother for much longer.
I've learned so much in that short time, and my journey has only just begun.
I'm humbled by the thought of what I have yet to learn.
I'm moved by what others have taught me.
And sometimes I'm even frustrated by how little I just naturally know.

helping with my mother's day blueberry pancakes.

But there are things I have learned in these last few years.  Things I never would have imagined or felt.  And, lucky you - I've compiled them into a neat and tidy list.

I have learned:

• That there is a love so powerful that it hurts.
• That there are times you won't like your child, but in just a moment you will remember why you love them so fiercely.
• What it feels like to not like yourself because of the emotions that are brought out in you during the most trying times. 

• That being alone is beautiful.
• That a crowded couch is lovely.

• How to shop for the perfect toy car, truck, train, or airplane.
• That there is a universal feeling of when you hear a child cry and you pause for a moment to listen in case it's your own.
• What it feels like to have your screaming child irreparably disrupting the lives of others around you.
• What relief feels like to hear someone else's screaming child, and to thank God that it isn't your own.   

• That you don't have to grow a baby inside of you to love it with every ounce of your being.
• That being able to drink red wine at your own baby shower is a pretty sweet trade-off to hours of labor. 
• That love can break your heart.
• And mend it back up again.
• And then fill it so full that you're afraid it might just burst.
• What it feels like to see or hear something awful on the news and to instantly picture your baby in that baby's place.
• What it feels like to cry either happy or sad tears nearly everyday.  Whether it is because of what I know, what I feel, or what I'm missing.
• That there must have been times when my own mother worried about how I might turn out.
• That I will always imagine the worst-case-scenario.
• But I will also dream about the best.
• That mothers of boys will clean up a lot of pee in one lifetime...or one year.

• That no one will love my kids as much as I do.
• Or think the things they do are as amazing as I do.
• And very few will care when they fall down, or stand up.  
• How to mend nearly every type of hole in clothing and get pencil marks off the wall. 
• What it feels like to watch a child's heart break.
• What it feels like to have my own broken.
• That I am not my body, or my job, or my wardrobe.
• That nothing - NOTHING - is more annoying than a high-pitched scream administered in public when one does not get one's way.

• That I can't judge other mothers and worry about what they are doing or aren't doing, because we are all just trying the best we can to survive and keep them alive.
• That no one knows absolutely everything about parenting.  And those that think they do usually don't have any children.
• Why my parents had trouble falling asleep until I got home at night.

• That I have to follow my gut, because most authors of parenting books are people that followed their own gut with their own children, and started out right where I am.  Either that or they're scholars that didn't spend any time raising their own children to begin with.
• That I am unfathomably and unfairly lucky to have a caring and helpful partner in this journey.
• What it takes to get ink out of everything.
• That life is fragile, and being a mother is not to be taken for granted, even on especially on the days that are hard, and painful, and exhausting. Because the next day will heal my heart and most likely be so much more than what today was.

REALITY

Okay, now that I have wowed you all with our amazing, smooth, luxurious travels, I am about to give you the real story (dundundunnnnn).  Okay.  The real story isn't all bad.  But it certainly isn't all good either.  My friends, I have learned why people don't go over to Europe with toddlers.  I have experienced first hand what happens when you take a 2.5 hour European lunch with a two and a three year old.  I can tell you first hand where every public restroom in these fair cities is located.  And I know what it is like to travel on a train where everyone is seemingly on their way to important business meetings and your two kids just won't. shut. up.

Because although there were moments like this...

 

There were also moments like this...

 

And you saw a lot of pictures like this....

 

Which were probably followed closely by moments like this...

 

And brotherly moments like this....

 

Often ended like this...(did you know they have a "naughty chair" in every city?)

 

And even though there were moments like this...

 

There were also a lot of moments like this...

 

this....

 and this.

 

Things went much better than I had imagined - I'm learning how to travel with toddlers.  At least this time I didn't have mall security called on me, and my fellow passengers on the plane didn't want to vote me and my family off the island.  Those are both vast improvements friends.

There were a lot of things that we didn't do and didn't see.  Someone laughed when I told them I didn't go into a single museum in Amsterdam, nor did I spot a tulip even though it is tulip season in The Netherlands.  I didn't climb the Belfry in Brugge, and we didn't even leave our hotel on the last day.  

But I'm glad we went.  I'm also glad to be home.  I'm glad I have my bed back and I'm glad that I finally stopped eating so much food.   

After telling someone about our trip yesterday they asked me... "Do your kids know how awesome you are?"  (I'll assume they meant D-train as well, but one can only guess.)  I'll tell you this.  I will probably spend my entire life reminding them everyday how awesome I am.  And if that doesn't work, I'll have them phone my friend that asked the question in the first place.  And if that doesn't work, I'll make them carry my luggage. 

Chocolate in Brugge

A few quiet moments in a cafe we snuck into after the boys fell asleep in the stroller.

The last place we went to was Brugge in Belgium.  I had honestly never heard of it until we came to Corrymeela and our flat had the movie In Brugge.  It's a great movie, although you'll probably wonder what in the world made me want to go to Brugge after watching it.  Maybe the food?  Because the food in Brugge was just a continuation of magic from the previous day we spent in Brussels.

To say that I attempted to try a piece of chocolate every hour would be correct.  How can you go to Belgium and not have Belgium Chocolates?  And trust me, there were plenty just screaming out to be tasted.  According to Rick Steves, the people from Belgium invented the french fry (a.k.a. frites).  And not to be outdone by my newest boyfriend - the Belgium waffle - these perfected twice-fried frites are serve with tangy mayonnaise.  I'm telling you, like everything else in Belgium, frites = heaven. 

 

The boys helped pick out some special Belgium chocolates for their grandmas for mothers day...so if those lucky ladies are reading this they can know they are getting hand-selected chocolates...although probably a few days after the American Mothers Day.

We decided to splurge on a carriage ride because it was recommended by friends, and the boys were in heaven.  (I mean, can't you tell by their huge smiles above?)  They loved seeing the horses all throughout the city, and to get to ride behind one was just about the bees knees.

 

This city is meant to be one of the best preserved  cities from the Midieval times, and the canals that run all through it were beautiful.  I would definitely recommend it to anyone looking for an adventure.

And finally one of the last things we did in the city was to search out this windmill - the only one we got close to the entire trip, which was a priority for D-train.  I'm so glad we could walk 10 extra miles to scope it out (just kidding D-train *smile*). 

The next day we headed back to Amsterdam on the train and spent a really low-key day/night in a hotel near the airport.  We had all sorts of plans for things we could do with our remaining 24 hours, but I think we did the right thing by staying in and watching movies in our hotel room.  It was a great way to wind-down a great trip, and trust me - we needed some winding down.  It also made the traveling back on Saturday really pleasant. Unfortunately for you (or quite fortunately) I don't have any pictures of Dustin and I watching Moneyball in the dark.  So just envision two exhausted-looking adults in their stretched out pajamas with two sleeping toddlers between them while starring bleary eyed and zombie-like at the television and eating packaged Belgium waffles in bed. It was beautiful.

Wordless Wednesday: We Now Interrupt the European Eating Tour for This...

Deep Sigh

Waffles in Brussels

After Amsterdam we took a train to Brussels to visit some friends of ours that moved there in December.  Those boys jumping on the trampoline up there?  They were in heaven visiting the Vastines.  (http://vastineadventures.blogspot.com)  But more on that later.  

I only took the two above pictures the entire time we were there because I am a lame photographer, but lucky for you I had two talented photo-composers with me to steal from.

I know you're wondering if we had any good food.  How about if I let the pictures speak for themselves...

photos by Dustin and his iphone

It's a good thing I'm not spending these two years in Belgium, because friends, that would mean me coming back about three sizes bigger than when I left Illinois.  You'll notice I'm making much less of an appearance in these food photos than in the Amsterdam bunch, because a girl's gotta have some dignity.  

In case you wondered, I've met a new food crush and it's called the Belgium Waffle.  There are these tiny chunks of sugar in the waffle.  I must figure out how to make them at home or I'll be dreaming of Belgium for the rest of my life.  

Brussels via iphoto

Since we were in the city for less than 24 hours, the Vastines took us to some of the major sites.  I honestly loved Brussels.  They kept saying the weather isn't usually as nice as it was when we were there, but I won't ever believe them.  In my mind Brussels is like a smaller, sunnier, more beautiful Paris.  I definitely hope to go back someday.  If it were up to my boys they would have spent the rest of the week living out of the Vastine's guestroom, playing with Thomas and Allison, and eating "Wendy's pancakes" for breakfast.  In fact, I'm shocked they haven't already packed up and moved in with them since it's all they can talk about.

Above pictures shot by Wendy

I would venture to say that this was one of the best parts of our trip.  Everything about it was lovely - including and especially the company.  They were great hosts and they have a beautiful home with which to entertain the likes of us.  Come to think of it, maybe I'll pack up and move in with them. 

Pancakes in Amsterdam

Sorry I've been gone friends... I've missed you.  I've been, what they call "off-line" for over a week.  Not really on purpose, but because we were traveling and are too stingy awesome to pay for internet and/or too lazy to try to read things off my ipod.  To be honest, I really loved being off-line - more than I would have ever thought.  But I also realized that life goes on, and if you're not online then you miss things - big things.  In the week I was disconnected I had a good friend buy a house, another have a baby, another move into a new house, and yet another go back to work - all things I care about and want to know about.  So the moral of the story is......(dun dun dun) I need the internet machine in my life - with mandated breaks of course.

But that isn't what this post is about. 

This post is about the adventure we'll call European Travel with Toddlers. Actually, it could be called European Eating with Toddlers, because here is an overview of our first two days in Amsterdam...

  

To say I travel to eat would be correct my friends.  I love food.  I love good food, and this doesn't even touch the surface, because it got even better after Amsterdam, but I'll leave that for another day.  My favorite food in Amsterdam (because I tried just about everything) were the pancakes - giant pancakes (called pannekoeken) and tiny pancakes (called poffertjes).  I didn't meet a pancake I didn't fall in love with.  They're also famous for their pickled herring, which I was all about trying, but something about eating raw fish (which I am usually a fan of) out of a food truck on the street didn't seem to meet my dietary restrictions set up by the baby doctor.  Don't worry, I more than made up for it by shoving a coveted American-style hotdog down my throat and indulging in multiple Coca-Colas.

Of course we did the typical tourist-in-Amsterdam things - like a boat ride on the canal.

We also learned from our last big trip to Scotland that we needed to allow much more down-time than we (meaning D and me) as see-it-all travelers were used to, so we spent quite a bit of time in the apartment we were renting - which was also full of toys.  If you asked the boys what they remember most about Amsterdam it would be the "big jet", and I'm not talking about the one we flew in on. 

 

By sheer coincidence we ended up in Amsterdam on the biggest street party day of the year.  Queen's Day - which commemorates the Queen's birthday on April 30th.  All of the big stores close and all that is open are the cafes and small shops.  Every sidewalk space is filled with people drinking, eating, or selling merchandise I can only assume they've been collecting in their apartments over the past year.  The canals are overflowing with party boats and everyone is wearing orange.  It was such a site to see.  These pictures do not do it justice.  We have this knack for booking trips on the biggest party day of the year in these countries (it was Hogmanay at Edinburgh), and although it isn't necessarily ideal to participate with two toddlers, it is an awesome way to see the culture of the city.  

So we didn't go into a single art museum in Amsterdam (don't tell my art professors), and we practically ran through the Anne Frank Huis (they suggested 45 minutes to get through - we showed them), but I know we'll be back someday and will get our chance again.  Maybe next time we won't bring two children under 4 - although they were free for almost everything...so there's that.

즐거운 어린이날

즐거운 어린이날

Happy Children's Day

Today is Children's Day in South Korea - a national holiday celebrating children and their rights.  So to celebrate we gave our boys wooden shoes from Holland - "Klompen" in Dutch. Totally normal and traditional, right?  Well it will all make sense when I get around to telling you all about our adventures this week - the good, the bad, and the ugly (and maybe even the beautiful).  But until then...hug the kids around you, because today is their day, and could you imagine our world without them?