My Little Liam

"You are my angel, my darling, my star... and my love will find you, wherever you are." 

- Nancy Tillman, author of Wherever You Are

 

 

Dear Liam.

My Little Liam.  My cuddly, coy, talkative, baby Liam.  I have mixed emotions right now as I write this.  I'm so excited to see you in this new role - as a big brother - a teacher, a mentor, and a playmate.  But my heart breaks at the same time, as visions of you instantly growing up gather steam in my hormonal pregnant head.

I want you to know that you light up my world.  You light up my mornings when you stumble out of your room unreasonably early and hide behind your blankie with that sly little smile and puffy eyes.  You light up my downtime with your enormous pile of books you bring over and expect me to read if I sit down for even a second.  You light up our kitchen with the scraping of the chair across the tile floor and your endless array of questions, demands for chocolate, and insistent attitude to "help".   You light up my afternoons when you stumble out of the bedroom with the most impressive bedhead I've ever seen, and a need to cuddle for many minutes before starting our afternoon play.  You light up my evenings when you get out of your bath and insist on "cuddling a widdle bit" with just your towel on, because putting on jammies right away totally cramps your style.  

You are funny, and silly, and you dance like your dad.  

You are my baby.  My little Liam.

I know how this works, because it happened with Miles when you were born 2.5 years ago.   Very soon I'll bring home a baby.  I hope you love it, but I know I can't expect too much.  I know that you'll instantly seem like a full-blown teenager instead of the tiny bundle of 2 year old energy that I know now.  I know that you will change roles.  I know that we will all change.  I know that I will love you no less.  I know that we will all be okay.

So these next few weeks I'm going to hold you longer.  I'm going to make you cuddle more.  I'm going to squeeze you till you can't stand it.  Little boy, now is the time to cash in on huge piles of books you want read, because I cannot bear to tell you "no".  

Little Liam, I know you won't be my baby forever.  And that makes your mama sad.  Because at this precise moment, and even when I take it for granted, you are my baby...my sweet, tiny, toe-headed baby.  And losing that - although it is morphing into something else amazing - it feels like I'm losing a part of you... a part of us.

I'll Love You Forever, 

Your Mom

p.s. I hope you want to cuddle for many more birthdays.