Believing

All my life I've heard people tell me that I can do amazing things. Not because I myself am particularly amazing, but because I've been lucky enough to be surrounded by people who are just that awesome, kind, and inspiring.
So I have the rare gift of believing in myself. I don't think it's something I decided for myself somewhere along the way.  Oh trust me, there were times when I definitely felt beaten down and defeated.  There were times when I sobbed to my mom or my husband that I just didn't think I could do it.  But if I remember correctly, every instance only lasted for a very short amount of time.
Then I bounced back.
Dusted myself off.
And began re-believing.
I believe in myself almost to a fault.  How can there be fault in that you ask?  Oh child, I tell you this...ask my direct college loan officer.  Or my husband.  Or perhaps even my parents.  Have you ever watched the show "The Middle" and witnessed the personality of one Sue Heck?   It is possible to believe in oneself too much.
And although I over-believe in myself when it comes to career goals, creative ideas for the future, or even what I must look like in skinny jeans, I can tell you that there are also recent developments that force me to question myself for the first time in my life.  I doubt I'll ever feel more than the average fleeting 5 minutes we as parents are gifted once a year when we believe we are doing absolutely everything right in raising our children.  I doubt I'll ever feel like I'm doing enough to make this world an okay place for my children to live.  And I doubt I'll ever be a size 6.
But these doubts have done something interesting to my unfaltering belief system.  I still believe.  I may even believe more.
I think it's because I have to.  I have to believe in myself, because I want my children to believe in themselves (although maybe with more financial sensibility).  I have to do the things that I am excited about (like begin a new art series) and passionate about (draw out new silver designs).  I need to feed my soul to feed theirs.  I need to be the woman that shows them how to believe when others don't.
I need to teach them how to be "yes" men.