Day 253: Words

Photo courtesy of the talented Katie Zeller

A friend of mine who tragically lost her mother a few years ago wrote these words when taking First-Day-of-School pictures:  

I could be all sentimental, but life has taught me not to be sad to see these days come, but to be thankful we get to be here to see them.

When I read those words they instantly changed my life and the way I look at it.  Since that day every step has been one I was lucky to travel with my children.  I'm not saying I don't want to rip my hair out once in awhile, and I still need time to myself, but in my mind it's not about that.  It's more about the idea that rather than wishing time would stand still, I can allow it to move forward with the freedom of gratefulness and joy.

A year ago I would have looked on with sadness as Miles did grown up things like climb the steps of the bus or walk into school by himself.  I would have cried great big crocodile tears when I packed up Oliver's crib for the very last time.  But those words... they changed everything.

I get to be here.  I get to hold their hands through it and teach them.  Show them.  I got to be there the first time he put on a brave face and walked into school by himself.  I saw him reach out for a friends hand and invite him to walk in together.  

I was a part of it.

Today I attended the funeral of a friend that oozed goodness.  Everything about her made me want to be a better mother, wife, sister, daughter, friend, fill-in-the-blank.  She raised two boys that look a lot more like men.  Although her job wasn't necessarily finished, I know she gave thanks for the bits she got to navigate with them. This includes the final things, like a wedding and moving into a college dorm. She got to teach them how to be young men.  How to walk, talk, and treat those around them.  I think it is pretty obvious that she did one heck of a job.  And I have no doubt that she relished in it.

Today reiterated for me how much I want to be here for all of it.  I don't know the plans that are laid out for me, but now I have the freedom of truly celebrating every milestone that I'm a part of.  I can no longer afford the sadness that comes with the regret of time moving forward.  I will no longer beg for time to slow down or stand still.  I want to see all of it.

I want to help them navigate everything I can.  I want to be there in the times of sadness and joy that come with getting older.

Every step in the right direction is worth an armful of gratitude. 

Today I am thankful for these words that came to me at the right time. 

Every once in awhile you read/hear/see something that changes the way you live.

Thank you Sara, for your words.