Must See Movie

This is something near and dear to my heart.  If there is nothing else I do this year, I must see this film.  But if my reaction at all during the trailer is any indication....I had better take a ginormous box of tissues and pillow with me to stifle my sobs.  I had to share it with all of you.  Because maybe the more of us that watch it.....
just maybe, you know?

Miles Sings.

Miles has started singing. 
I know that the only thing that seems significant about this is that he's three and a half and just now starting to sing.  The thing is that he's always loved music, but mostly as an observer/dancer/appreciator.  He was more of a music enthusiast if you will. 
It was discouraging for me because I listened to other kids sing and perform for the doting adults in their lives, but my son simply sat through many renditions of Johnny Appleseed and Old McDonald.

It all began with Baa Baa Black Sheep.  We have the book.  Let me tell you about it.  It's a riveting tale of a whole bunch of ill-prepared animals that keep bugging the poor sheep for things such as cheese, bones, or seed. The obvious annoyance of the sheep can be seen through her exasperation at having the interrupt her knitting for these thoughtless creatures.  In the end they all turn on her only to find that she had been slaving away and knitting them wearable goods all day.  Like I said...riveting.
But I digress.
It started there. He began busting it out in the car, or in the most peculiar places. 
Then he started singing songs in Gaelic that he was learning at school.  Next, he began joining in during Johnny Appleseed at the dinner table.  Now the boy is making up songs about everyday occurrences and performing them for all sorts of audiences.  The current favorite is a catchy tune that goes...
Paul came...boom boom boom boom. over and over again.  Even the volunteers have begun singing it when he's not around.
I love the singing like only a mother could.  But since the singing has begun, the sentences have started developing.  More complex thoughts have been voiced.  And he has become more understandable.
I. LOVE. THE. SINGING.

So....there's a bun in the oven alright.

I never really announced my pregnancy with Liam.
It's not because I wasn't excited....I was all sorts of excited.  I wasn't as excited about being pregnant as I was about the fact that I was getting two babies at once.  THAT excited me.
We were two days away from getting on the plane to Korea to bring home our oldest son.  See...I had a lot of reasons to be excited then.
But I still never really told people.  I let most of my friends figure it out on their own - like when they couldn't wrap their warms around me to hug me anymore and they finally felt brave enough to ask me.  I think I finally mentioned it on here when I was 25 weeks, but it was in this weird off-hand sort of way that only someone as socially awkward as me could.  You can relive that by clicking here if you want.

You see, the reason I never announced it publicly was because I had a whole list of other emotions in the days/weeks/months after that pink plus sign stared me down that cold Friday afternoon, and none of them are the emotions you would probably expect.

1. Shock.  Not the kind of shock that is like "Oh, my husband barely had to look at me and I got pregnant!".  It was more the "We've been trying this for years and NOW it's going to work?!" kind of shock.  Tack on a gallon of extra hormones and some post adoption depression, you have yourself a real nut-job in the making.  Luckily that leveled out fairly quickly, even without the help of wine.
2. Sadness.  I had spent months investing my love into Miles.  I loved him more than I ever imagined my heart being big enough to love anyone.  I was sad because I wasn't sure if I was capable of loving two little humans as much as I already loved the one.  That's a sad thing to think about when you have virtually no experience loving someone you've never met so freely.  Now, with a bit more experience, I know how our hearts swell and make room for new, equally intense loves.
3. Embarrassment.  This is weird, but I felt totally embarrassed that I had gone and gotten myself pregnant at the exact moment I was bringing home Miles.  One of the great parts about adopting is that there are these amazing support groups of people your age, with your interests, that are also going through the same things as you.  I had this fear of rejection....like I no longer fit into the group and they would all vote me off the adoption island as soon as they saw what I had gone and done.  Luckily the people in these groups are not jerks and this obviously didn't happen. 
4. Greedy.  I felt greedy.  Like people would look at me and think, "oh, she just wasn't happy unless she had one come out of her," or something less socially weird I guess.  The truth was that I was greedy, but not about being pregnant.  I want a lot of children.  I'm not talking like Duggar-size offspring, but I knew three children was my minimum.  I also knew that if adoption was our only option, then it was going to be really difficult for us to find the money to fund three adoptions as close together as I would have wanted them to be.  I was being greedy.
5. Fear.  I wasn't afraid that I would fail as a parent of two.  Trust me, there would be plenty of that fear later on.  I was afraid of becoming a cliche. I knew we were going to be the story that everyone told to someone when they heard the word 'adoption'.  Because people like a good story.  And are well-intentioned.  Even if a little clueless.  I was afraid our story would haunt the lives of future adopting families, like the million stories people told me when we were going through the process.

So yesterday when I hit the "publish" button and let the cyber world know that we are excitedly expecting our third child it was a new feeling for me.  I definitely hesitated.  I mean, my heart goes out to friends who are waiting for their babies to come home to them, and there are friends who have recently lost their babies before they could meet them.

But I guess this is our story.
And since I have every intention of this being my last pregnancy, I'm going to try and soak it up until the middle of August when the next chapter will start.
And I feel like I can finally be outwardly excited.  So I shall.

Wordless Wednesday: Something's Been A'Brewin

Ten Truths on Tuesday

1. I know that Sunday was the most glorious day I've had in a long time.  And for no particular reason other than everything about it was beautiful.
2. I know that Blood Diamond is a terrifying movie and I promise to stop watching made-from-reality movies where little boys are drugged, forced to hold a gun larger than they are, and brainwashed into forgetting their parents.
3. I know that Liam has had "sleepy parent radar" since birth and will only cry at night as my head hits the pillow and I am just thinking about how wonderful sleep sounds.
4. I know that around 2 pm my motivation hits a brick wall, and then gets run over a million times by a ginormous dump truck before it is thrown into a dumpster until 8-10 hours of sleep later.
5. I know that I haven't seen any of the movies that won Oscars Sunday night.
6. I know that when Miles and Liam wake up and crawl into my lap my heart breaks into a million little pieces wondering how long this will last.
7. I know that fountain Coke tastes just as good here as it does at home (some of you will be very happy to know).
8. I know that I have to design a mural about forgiveness and every day I think more about it, this seems more and more impossible to illustrate onto a giant wall that is appropriate and uplifting enough to be in a primary school.
9. I know that I talked to two friends on Skype Sunday night and it made me question why the heck I haven't been doing that all along.
10. I know that I have an exciting new idea for a photo project that I MUST begin, but because of Truth # 4, I'm having a little trouble getting it off the ground.  It will be amazing people.  And profound.  And it's sure to make me famous....  If I can only get over that darn 2:00 hump.

To read about the evolution of Ten Things I Know to be True on Tuesday, click here.

Forgiveness

Forgiveness.  It's a funny thing.
P4 and P5 students (roughly 2nd and 3rd grade in the U.S.) from two schools came together last week to talk just about forgiveness.  DAYS spent focusing on forgiveness alone.  I got to spend an hour and half each day discussing what this invisible force looks like.  How can we as artists (because that is what we all are) show forgiveness?  I should tell you here - there is a mural in the works.
They had some pretty good ideas.
"A Rainbow."
"Two ladybugs on a leaf."
"A Sunshine."
"White fluffy clouds."
"A hug."
"A cat not eating a mouse."
"A heart with a band-aid."
"A butterfly"
And one child's very descriptive visualization, "Two friends holding hands on a hill overlooking a sunset."

It was lovely.
And somewhat confusing.
Is this what forgiveness looks like?
I decided that one of three things has happened to these children
1.  They have not had to forgive anything larger than a small tiff on the playground.
2.  They haven't realized the gravity of what they've had to forgive.
3.  They're delusional.

What about the rest of us - the responsible and sensible adults that do understand the gravity of our situations?
The wife that found out her husband was having an extensive affair right under her nose.
The civilian that watched a police officer shoot and kill his friend.
The victim who was gang raped in the parking lot.
The parents who helplessly watch their sons being carried away knowing they will be brainwashed into being child soldiers.
The woman whose mother died because she didn't have health insurance.
The man whose wife fell out of love with him.
The entire race victimized and tortured simply because of the way they were born.
The teenager that lost her father to a cancer he never could compete with.
The young mother that lost her baby before she could ever hold him.

What is "forgivable"?   What are the advantages to forgiving?  Do they outweigh the advantages to not forgiving?

Someone told me this week that forgiveness has an element of blame to it.  In order to forgive someone or something, you must first acknowledge that someone or something wronged you.

So who do you forgive when you're child is diagnosed with cancer, or have a miscarriage, or your child is born with birth defects? Whose fault are these?

Does God really expect us to forgive everything?  What would that kind of forgiveness look like?  I have a feeling that two lady bugs sitting on a leaf just wouldn't cut it.

Carrie and Travis Come, But Don't Bring Max or Charlie

This last week we were so lucky to have Carrie and Travis here to visit us.  Unfortunately, a lot of our conversation revolved around why they were bringing their two little pups, Max and Charlie. 
They arrived on Wednesday and explored Dublin until Friday when they adventurously rented a car and drove all the way up here.  On Saturday we spent a lot of the day just lounging around and hanging out with on another, followed by a delicious thin-crust pizza - a rare commodity in this part of the word.

One day this week I had to work Cover, which means I couldn't get off site.  The boys took advantage of this by exploring Derry - the city I lived in when I studied for a semester here in college. 

 

On Sunday Carrie and Travis treated us to an open-top bus tour in Belfast, which was so fun.  I would recommend it to anyone coming to visit.  It covered so much of the city and history that I didn't know before.

And of course Dustin finally roped someone into visiting Bushmills Distillery with him - the oldest whiskey distillery in the world (I think).  Although his guests didn't fight him too hard on that.

Like every time someone comes to visit us, I wish I would have taken more pictures.  The boys won't stop asking where Carrie and Travis went.  They love having visitors.  The next time we see them they'll either have a picture of our sweet cousin coming from Korea, or (even better!) our actual cousin.  We can't wait to meet him or her and pray that we'll get to soon. 

Thanks for the memories, and meals, and love Carrie and Travis.  We miss you already.