Bubye Pafifier

Dear Pafifier (a.k.a. Pacifier):

It's been a good run.  You've been deeply loved by a little toe-head boy who has had you in his clutches since the day he was born.  But this is your goodbye notice - your "dear john" if you will.  Oh, it isn't my choice.  Believe me, I didn't choose this.  You see, I loved you too.  I loved how you would easily make any terrible situation better.  I loved that the minute I pulled you out, my son was a magnetic cuddle bug - pulled by gravity to my shoulder, only to bend to the curve of my chest and arms....a perfect embrace.
But now I must bid you farewell.

On Sunday when we thought we lost you right before naptime I was devastated.  NOT NAPTIME! was what I was thinking, but when I went it to tell my little anticipating one year old that you were gone - never to be found - three things happened.

1. He looked up at me and said "never to be found?"
2. He shrugged his shoulders and said "okay."
3. And then he fell asleep without a sound.

I know...I thought there would be more as well.  And when I found you during naptime while he was fast asleep it took everything in my power to put you up in the closet - keeping you close by for any night-time emergencies, rather than on his pillow next to his slumbering body.  And when he didn't ask for you for days after that?  What can I say?  It broke my heart as well.  And last night was the kicker.  When he was throwing up and crying and he asked for you.  Do you know how hard it was for me to say you were gone when all along you were only an arm's length away?  And he just accepted it - so trusting.  Letting that happen was one of the hardest things I've had to do.

I know there are parents out there that would give their left arm to break their kids of you, but the truth is that I wasn't ready.  It was just another reminder of how little control I have over my babies growing up.  A reminder that I won't get to decide when he stops sitting on my lap, or asking me to read stories, or giving me a big smacking kiss on the lips.  Or calling me "mommy."  Like you, these things will someday become things of the past, and you are just another reminder of that.  

So stop feeling sorry for yourself, because I'm doing enough of that for the both of us.  

Yours truly....The mom.

Our Deepest Fear

Today the volunteer leading worship shared this poem by Marrianne Williamson, read by Nelson Mandela at his 1994 inaugural speech.  I'm sure I've heard it before, but today it resonated with me, and I wanted to share it.
Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.

That Mom

I want to be that mom.

that isn't afraid to take a silly photograph because she'll look bad.
that isn't terrified of taking chances.
that teaches her kids to have the confidence to try new things.
that tells bad jokes and funny stories that their friends will learn to love.
that isn't ashamed to squeeze into a wet suit that is two sizes too small.
that teaches them to say no to peer pressure, but yes to ice cream for dinner.
that can lift a couch up over her head (or maybe just one end of a loveseat) without breaking a sweat.
that can build a bookshelf with her bare hands.
that will skip mopping the floor to read stories (and maybe catch the most recent episode of Grey's Anatomy).
that fosters their creativity.
that allows them to be themselves, but doesn't allow them to interrupt adults.
that will admit she is wrong...or sorry...or thankful.
that will dance in public, even when I'm terrified.
that they can be proud of.

Mini Posts

• I haven't had internet for DAYS...seriously.  And not just in my house.  I haven't had it in my office, in other people's offices (because I've tried), or anywhere within a 2 miles radius of me.  I finally walked into town today and am sitting in a cafe on borrowed time.  Hence the build-up of a slew of mini-posts that I am about to spew out of my fingers.
• On Friday Miles dressed up as a cowboy for Halloween.  It was super super easy.  We hot glued (if you can't hot-glue it, you should do it) spurs onto his wellies and got him all dressed up.  He kept saying "Heehaw!" all morning (think more donkey than cowboy), and when Dustin went to pick him up his spurs were long gone.   I will post photos soon. Like I said...borrowed time.
• Halloween is a big deal here.  This entire week Miles has off school and we are taking part in a big parade tomorrow evening.  All of us (including the volunteers) are dressing up as Alice in Wonderland.  I'm the caterpillar.  So far I just look like a green condom.  Hopefully we can work on that a bit before I parade in front of the town.
• Alright, I just wrote out a TON of mini-posts and then the internet went down HERE as well, and I lost everything past this point. AHHHhhhh!  (I might go crazy - but I'll try to remember what I wrote)
• I'm constantly surprised by what has changed here in the last 11 years.  From language, to the cars (there are a lot more SUV's than before), to the violence (there is now very little).  I guess it has been over a decade.  It just doesn't feel like it to me.
• These people put fresh cream on everything.  Hot chocolate, scones, cakes...you name it.  It definitely makes up for the lack of ice cubes and decaffeinated products if you ask me.
• Today I was hanging a picture up in our living room and Miles kepting saying I was hanging and "greengraph".  I thought he was mispronouncing it, but Dustin informed me that it is the Gaelic word for photograph and Miles' teacher told him that Miles has been saying that word everyday.... about what, I don't know.  In my dreams he is telling his teacher that his mom is an awesomeing "greengrapher", but I doubt that is the conversation context.
• I think we figured out the secret to going on successful adventures with our boys (knock on wood).  Yesterday we made a big trip (to be posted soon) and we made the boys eat an early lunch and take naps, then left around 2 pm.  They did so well.  There was no whining and we didn't get home until about 9.  Much better than when we try to go in the morning.  Who knew?
• On Tuesday I went with some friend to try out the latest craze...Zumba...  in the back of a pub...  on a sticky dancefloor... with no heat.  It was a good time.  Some of those ladies have got moves.  Their hips don't lie.
• Someday I do plan on posting about what I do all day, what we've been working on, and of course PICTURES.... but like I said before... borrowed time. 

If Liam was a blogger.

Hi.  I love everything about this place.
 Every morning I go to worship with mommy and daddy and then to the office with them to work.  It's hard work to roll around on the floor, play with toys, and constantly ask if I can play a game on the computer (even though I don't really know how to play any).  I usually hang out in there with them until it is time to go get Miles and then we split.  Picking him up is lots of fun because I've usually missed him quite a bit.

Things I love: I love to talk.  I will say anything.  People tell me everyday that I talk way more than I should for my age, but I say....if you got it, use it!  So I do.  I use it to tattle on my brother, to copy what my brother says, to tease my mommy and daddy, to play tricks on the volunteers, and even to scold Miles when he does something I don't like.  I also like to ask for things....mostly food.  Luckily the fridge is right at my height, so I can go get yogurts anytime I want....which is often. I also love "toasht".  Like, I LOVE it.  And apples.  I still love apples and eat one everday when I go with mommy or daddy to their office.

When we got here someone left us big stuffed bears on our beds.  Mine is as big as me and I love it so much that I carry it all over the flat. 
Oh, and I love baths now.  My mom and dad can't get me out of them.

My favorite thing to do right now is to follow my brother around.  That guy is so funny.  I want to be just like him.  He really cracks me up, and gives me all sorts of ideas of things I can do.  I don't know what I'd do without him.

If Miles was a blogger.

Hi. Miles here.
Lately I've been very busy jumping in mud puddles and eating chocolate biscuits, but I thought I would take a moment to tell you how life in the good ol' UK has been from my perspective.
CARS!


Oh sorry, I got a bit distracted because a 2008 black Peugeot just drove by our window.
So anyways, things here are pretty good.  My crazy parents sent me to an Irish language school because it was the only place that had room for me.  It's great and all, but I have a really hard time understanding what they're saying because they keep saying a bunch of jibberish and then mixing in English with it.  I thought it was just me until the other day when my mom dropped me off and couldn't even decipher what they were saying.  She didn't say that, but I could tell by the deer-caught-in-headlights look on her face when the teacher tried to ask Liam what was on the cover of his book. psh. amateur.

Right now my days are broken up into three sections (not counting school).
Morning: My favorite morning activities include a brisk sprint around the flat at around 6:17 am.  I like to challange myself by turning on every light in the place while I'm running past it.  Sometimes I can even get all of them in the first lap.  I then wake up my brother, because I really don't want him to sleep longer than me...that's just lame.
CAR!

This time it was a 2009 Toyota with alloy rims.
Back to my day...
Afternoon: My mom usually picks me up from school where I usually make my grand exit with paint all over my clothes, snot on my sleeves, and shouting "goodbye!" to Slan* who must be this kid in my class, but I haven't figured out who yet.  All I know is that everyone else is saying goodbye to him as well.  Then on the way home I tell my mom all about my day playing with Gaelic.  She keeps saying Gaelic is a language, not a person, but she obviously hasn't ever met him.  Then I eat a nice lunch with Liam in our flat and lay down for a nap.  I am completely zonked after a tough day of playing hard.  Now that we have the training wheels on my bike, I get to ride around a bit as well.

Evening:  We usually eat dinner up at the Main House with all of the volunteers who LOVE ME.  In the evening Mom usually lets us watch a tv show or movie if we're good - especially if it's the weekend.  My favorite right now (as in yesterday and today) is Bolt, although I love a good Toy Story or Despicable Me as all time go-to movies.  My mom and dad also let me fast forward through the "kinda scawy" parts, which usually include anyone that looks even a little bit cross.  I also like to use this time to hijack my parents' laptop to send out emails to all my peeps and tweet a bit.  Today my mom came in and told me (like always) that I had to get off (she's such a buzz-kill), so I told her "That's okay, I done working."  We also have this cool phone that's actually attached to the wall and right at my level, so I can pick it up and call people whenever I want.  Lately I've also been able to go to sleep in the same room, and even fall asleep with my brother.  You see, ours is a love-hate relationship, although it is becoming a little more loving everyday.  I don't really know what I'd do without him.
 Come to think of it, I'd probably get lots of work done - he's always giving away my location and naughty deeds to the 'rents.

*"Slan" is actually the Gaelic word for "goodbye".

Glenariff Forest Park

On Saturday we went on adventure along the cost to a neighboring village and a forest park with waterfalls.  We opted for the 3 km hike that took us down past, and over, the waterfalls.  There were a lot of steps down to the bottom, but the boys were troopers, the view was absolutely beautiful, and there was a cute little cafe down at the bottom.  Unfortunately the cafe didn't open for an hour, and what goes down, must come back up again.  And in this instance what had gone down were two happy little boys with two well-rested/pleased parents, and what came up was quite the opposite.  But if everything here was perfect no one would want to read my blog anymore. (Because who wants to read about things working out perfectly all the time anyway?)

The forest itself was gorgeous.  I had just watched Twilight two nights before (some of the volunteers and I bought VIP tickets to the release of Breaking Dawn in Belfast, so we are gearing up) so I felt like with the moss-covered trees and lush wildlife that this would be the perfect place for some good-looking vampires to make an appearance.  Unfortunately, that was the only thing missing from this adventure.

The nearby town of Cushendall