It is well...

When peace like a river, attendeth my way,
When sorrows like sea billows roll
Whatever my lot, thou hast taught me to say
It is well, it is well, with my soul

Horatio G. Spafford

The song lyrics above mean so much more once you read the story behind the writing of this song.  It is a song formed out of intense grief and loss - a last-ditch effort to understand why we are dealt hands that seem to difficult to bear. 

It seems as though my last handful of posts all start with "I haven't written in awhile..."  Which is true.  I have so much to say, but lack the motivation to make time or to start. 

I'm not promising a start, so don't get excited.  I am not promising to give more of myself than I am able.  In fact, the opposite. I am learning to give less of myself to the things I can no longer give. 

I am promising to be a better neighbor, but perhaps a lesser volunteer.  I am promising to be an artist, but not a bystander. I am promising to be a mother, but perhaps not one that nourishes my family from within the walls of my home or behind closed doors. 

It is time for me to start embracing the person God created me to be. To stop apologizing or accepting what others refuse to give. To open myself up to new experiences and a journey for which I have never really had the map. 

This life is messy.  I accept it's challenges.

45 Reasons I Haven't Written in a Million Years.

I haven't written in a long long time.  Perhaps the longest time yet. ONE WHOLE YEAR.

I am constantly saying to myself, "I should write about that."  But then I don't.

Reasons I tell myself I haven't been writing:

1. I don't know where to start. 
2. I'm should be more protective of my personal life.  
3. I'm trying to figure my life out.
4. I'm just not a writer.
5. I need to stop thinking that I'm a writer.
6.  Oversharing is no longer trendy.
7. But I LOVE oversharing.
8.  I need to make more art.
9. I'm not making enough art.
10. I don't want to be a complainer.
11. I don't want to pretend my life is perfect.
12. TIME TIME TIME TIME TIME.
13. No one wants to read what I have to say.
14. People will talk about about how they don't want to read what I have to say.
15. My kids deserve to not have their lives slathered all over the internet. 
16. I'm lazy.
17. I can either eat breakfast or write.  Breakfast always wins.
18. I can either eat a snack or write. Snacking always wins.
19. I can either binge watch old episodes of Brothers and Sisters or write. Guess which one wins.
20. Work always gets in the way.
21. Life is pretty crappy right now and I don't want to be a downer.
22. Life is pretty awesome right now and I don't want to brag.
23. What if this is my last day on earth - do I want to spend it at my computer?
24. What if this is my last day on earth and these are the last words I put on the interwebs?
25. What if this is my last day on earth and I HAVEN'T WRITTEN ON HERE FOR A YEAR?
26. Maybe I should vacuum my house.
27. Cleaning is for suckers - so is sitting at a computer.
28. Ugh. SO. MUCH. WORK.
29. So much chaos and noise - can't think straight. 
30. The weeds in my flowerbed are knee-high.
31. The neighbors might find out about me. 
32. The neighbors might find out what all the yelling is about.
33. My kids already watch too much t.v. by most social media standards. 
34. Sometimes I say too much.
35. What if the mailman reads it?
36. I'm just not very funny.
37. Shut up, I'm hilarious. 
38. What if my pastor reads it?
39. What if my aunts read it?
40. My parents probably should not read this.
41. Someday my kids will be able to read it.
42. I'm on a year-long kick about not doing things - disguised as "slowing down." 
43.  Sometimes my kids need snacks and things, and it is just TOO MUCH WORK.
44. I have to can these FREAKING TOMATOES before they start rotting in my fridge.
45. Life dude. 

I made a thing called Go. Do. Be.

I made a drawing of Mussenden Temple...

...and Google (like magic) knew what the heck I was talking about even though I completed butchered the spelling.  Go clever search engines!

I made a thing.

I made a thing with my six year old...

...and isn't it just the best darn Easter Egg with eyelashes you've ever seen in your entire art loving life?

Making things over spring break.

Making things everyday has gotten harder lately, which is silly, because the whole point of this is to make something everyday...even if it is tiny and takes five minutes. Two weeks ago my parents gave up their spring break to come out and simultaneously remodel our house, cook us dinner, clean things that I didn't think could be cleaned, and babysit our children.  It was as magical as it sounds. Last week was my spring break and I used it to tackle my boring to-do list, work in the classroom, and spend too much time on social media.  Do they give out spring break do-overs?

I made this little guy on my first day of spring break when I got the clay out for my kids to play with.   M made an impressive airplane with wings that just kept going.  L made an incredibly detailed lion that was in turn destroyed by O. O made a ball.  He'll get there.

Yesterday was my first day back at school.  It was horrible and exciting in only the way the first day back can be after a substantial and productive break.  Now off to the second day back - where everything starts to fall in to place and become magically perfect and smooth.