Day 97: Teeth

A few days ago Miles revealed a loose tooth to me.
I believe I handled Kindergarten registration with class, and the first time he wanted to walk into school without me - I accepted it bravely.
When Dustin pointed out to me that he doesn't need his bear and monkey as much - I held my chin high and braved his independence like a champ.

BUT A FREAKING LOOSE TOOTH!?!?!?!?!?!

Exactly how much growing up is God going to have me endure within this one year?

Deep breaths.

I guess this is all good though.  At some point we do want them to do these things.  We want them to tie their shoes by themselves and not ask for kisses before bedtime every night.

Right?  Is that what we want?

My poor mama heart is just shattered today, but I know that it is for all the wrong reasons.  Because THIS is what we want for our children.  This is the plan.  This is where we're at, and I should be grateful for it.

Tonight I am thankful for signs that my children are on track and healthy.

It kills me.

But I guess some things just aren't always about me.  (sniff.)

Day 96: 40

Today my parents are celebrating their 40th wedding anniversary.

I feel incredibly lucky to have grown up with parents that have loved each other for so long - for parents who have this fabulous love story that eventually turns into a family, and life for me and my three brothers.

They've taught me a lot about parenting, and marriage.  Fighting fair, and saying "I'm sorry".  About laughing at ourselves and never taking oneself too seriously.  About adventure and stability.

About loving someone, and allowing yourself to be loved by someone. 

Today I am thankful for two parents that have loved each other my whole life.

But not just that - the opportunity they had to love each other their whole adult lives. 

The summer they met.  The years they spent overseas.  The good health that has carried them so far.  The four fabulous children they had (especially that daughter of theirs - she's the best one).

All of it. 

I'm thankful that it included me.

Day 95: Family

Today we are celebrating our Family Day.  Five years ago we brought home the most amazing little boy to start our family.  He slept the whole way on the plane and didn't cry a peep.

I spent the whole trip wondering how I got so lucky, and weeping for the two women who loved him whom he left behind. I also spent a lot of time wondering how much he should eat, sleep, and drink - since I had no way of knowing, and these sorts of things don't include instruction manuals.

The beginning of my family - on a big blue plane heading home from South Korea. A 10 month old beautiful boy on my lap and a tiny little life that was revealing himself through morning sickness and fatigue.  

Today I am thankful that God chose this way to start my family.

It included many bumps, lots of patience, and some sadness.  But in the end, I couldn't imagine it any other way.

Happy Family Day my little boy.

I am the luckiest.

Day 94: Out

Today I spent the morning painting Photobooth props for the PTO carnival at school.
Then I spent naptime mending jeans and watching Days of Our Lives.

By the end of the day I was having an existential crisis.  For the life of me I can't figure out how people with little kids and no money for a sitter make art for the sake of creating and become part of the art community.  Maybe there should be state funded artist retreats open for everyone.  Like foodbanks for the soul.

Too much?

So last night when my dear friend asked me to join her at our city's First Fridays gallery crawl I was super excited.  I went home and checked with my husband (who had signed our oldest son up for swimming lessons every Friday night at 7:30 - who swims then?!) who said he thought it was also a great idea. (This is my translation - it was more of a literal grunt with a bit of "yes" inflection.) 

Tonight I put on a new shirt and red lipstick.  I traded my chucks for shiny metallic flats (because I haven't lost my mind y'all) and headed out to check out the art scene in P-town.

WHICH HAS CHANGED.

It is vibrant and well-attended and heading towards the parts of town it should be in. And the price was right = free.

Today I thankful for artistic experiences that are within an arm's reach.

Foodbanks for my soul.

Day 93: Rain

I walk a lot these days.

I walk everywhere in this tiny town, and I easily have two handfuls of reasons for doing it.  One is that I'm pretending I live in New York.  That's pretty much my reason for everything right now.  I live in a tiny apartment because I'm pretending I live in New York.  I only have one car because I'm pretending I live in New York.  I curse a lot because I'm pretending I live in New York. (just kidding Grandma....and New Yorkers.)

I don't even really want to live in New York.  I just think it sounds cool.

So this morning when it was time to take Miles to school and it was raining hard enough for people to have their wipers turned to high, I checked the sky for lightning, handed out raincoats and umbrellas and headed out.  I know people think I'm crazy.  Or else they think I have a DUI.  I'm not sure which.

The truth is that I love the rain.  I love the feel of it on my face and the sound of it hitting the hood of my jacket.  Not only does it remind me of Northern Ireland, but it reminds me that I'm alive, and living in a world with sensory gifts. 

Sometimes when I'm walking, or trying to talk myself out of walking somewhere, I try to imagine what it would be like if someone came on the news next week and told me that I could not go outside for more than 15 minutes a day.  And then a week later told me I could never leave my house again.  What if our world consisted of indoor tunnels to get from here to there and the outdoors suddenly became inaccessible?  What if I never got to feel the rain again, or the sun on my forearms.  Or hear snow under my boots?  What if the annoying wind never slapped me across the face when I stepped out my door?

(I know. I read too much Margaret Atwood - you don't have to tell me.)

Today I am thankful for these sensory gifts of the outdoors.

And I promise not to take them for granted until the day they are taken from me.

Day 92: Rest

Today I am thankful for rest at the end of a busy day.

Day 91: Baby Girl

All my life I've been surrounded by boys - and the not good kind of boys that you wish for in high school.  Instead, I've been surrounded by the kind that like to either pretend you yourself are a boy, or make fun of you because you aren't.  The kind that push you off the swings and shoot you with a bb gun "in fun".  Boys that throw sticks at you, and tell you that you have to switch out of first gear on the dirt bike or you're going to ruin the engine.  Boys that throw you into the pool and laugh.  Boys that pin you down and threaten to drop spit in your face.  Boys that build forts with you and let you boss them around a bit before they decide to declare mutiny and kick you out of the fort you helped build.

And as an adult I've somehow ended up with all sons and mostly nephews up until now.  Which works out, because although I spent a great deal of my teenage years trying to figure boys out, I do know my fair share about little boys. 

But guess what, that is about to change...
The number of nieces I have has almost doubled in the last month, going from three to five in only a few short weeks.  I now officially have more girls than boys in one area of my life and I find that incredibly exciting.

Yesterday my little brother (the stick-throwing one) and my very brave sister-in-law (because we're all brave to do this, right?) gave birth to the most perfect newborn baby girl I've seen through a series of cell phone pictures in four weeks. 

If she looks this good with a cell phone, then imagine how incredible she is in real life.

I'll tell you all about it when I get to see her in two weeks!  Eeek!

Today I am thankful for my newest niece, Etienna Rose, and that I get to see her so very soon.

Her beautiful name is in honor of her grandfather that passed away exactly a year ago (almost to the hour).  God is amazing like that sometimes.

It sounds like she already has her Daddy wrapped around her finger which hopefully means he'll treat her better than he treated me growing up.

Just kidding.  I mean, I do hope he doesn't pin her down and threaten to drop spit in her face, but I'm not too worried that he will.  He'll make an amazing Dad to this little girl, just like he is already an amazing Dad to her big brother, X.

Two weeks!  (eek!)